Death Note Interogation!
by no heart to follow
Summary: Light, L, Misa, the Wammy boys and all the other Death Note characters are locked in my basement, just waiting to answer your questions! Ask anything from favorite color to... yeah, anything. :3. Rated T because I FEEL like it.
1. Why is that raccoon talking?

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

Will: Hello everybody! I'm Will -points to header name- see? I decided I wanted to do one of those 'Ask the Death Note characters Questions' dealies. Because, y'know... it's not like I have anything better to do.

Near: Yeah, it's not like he could be out finding a job or cleaning the house.

Mello: Or studying for school.

Matt: Or even working on one of his stories that he's already started. I'm kinda worried about the freaking murderer who's apparently out to get me.

Will: And I'm kinda worried about the three annoying orphans who are apparently out to get _me. _Shut up and let me do my job!

Near: This isn't a job, moron.

Will: MOVING. ON. ... ahem. Anyways, you might be confused by the fact that Matt and Mello are still... y'know, breathing. Along with Light, L, and an assortment of other Death Note characters who should be dead.

Matt: Yeah... that is rather confusing.

Mello: Not really, this is fanfiction after all.

Will: There shall be SILENCE while I'm talking!

Matt/Mello: ...

Will: ...

All: ...

Will: Right then. Well, I brought them back from the dead! Using my Thing-y-gami and her Life Note!

All: ...

Light: Thing-y-gami...? -looks at Ryuk-

Ryuk: -shrugs-

Tami (the thing-y-gami): I'm really just here for the free food.

L: Are there any sweets?

Tami: Not for you.

Will: I had to bribe her somehow...

Light: I don't think there's such a thing as a ... thing-y-gami.

Will: Not important. What's important is that you're all here to answer random fanfiction reader's questions! And before anyone asks, no. you're not getting paid. You're doing this out of the kindness of your hearts.

All: ...

Light: Mikami?

Mikami: On it, Kami-sama. -writing down Will's true name-

-forty seconds later-

Will: :3 Now, as I was saying. You're all locked in here and you can't leave until I get bored. You'll do whatever the reviewers say, and answer any question asked. And if I don't get enough reviews, then I'll probably make one of you do something entertaining like jumping off a cliff with no parachute or dressing in drag. You'll get one meal a day, two if you're good. Don't touch the free food, that's for me and Tami only. And... hm... what else...

Light: Wait a minute! Why aren't you dead!?

Mikami: I have failed you...Kami... -stabs himself with a pen-

Will: The Death Note states that only a human will be killed when his or her name is written in it. I am clearly a raccoon.

Light: ...

Near: Yeah, obviously.

L: Really Light, I thought you were smarter than that.

Light: ... I hate you all.

Misa: Misa is confused. Why is the rodent talking?

Tami: I turned him into a raccoon with my Species Note.

Mello: Wait, I thought you carried a Life Note.

Tami: I have lots of Notes. Hence why I'm a Thing-y-gami and not a Life-y-gami.

Near: Keep up Mello. You're as bad as Light.

Mello: -dies a little inside-

Will: Anywho, now it's time to address the readers!

Takada: I highly doubt you'll get any.

Will: Tami?

Tami: On it, freak. -writing down Takada's name-

Takada: -turns into a ferret- Wha-what the hell!?

Will: Thank you. :3

Matt: -gasp!- She looks like a Furret!!

All: ??

Matt: I'm gonna catch her! -starts chasing Takada-

All besides Takada and Matt: ... -watching boredly-

Mello: ... I need to keep him away from video games...

Near: Agreed.

Tami: Is he... is he trying to shove her into a sock?

L: It would appear so.

Will: Moving right along. I just want the readers to know that they can ask any question. But for the sake of our dear friends at Death Note, try to be polite. Even if you don't like the character, they have feelings too.

Mello: Don't listen to him! Make Light miserable!

Will: I didn't say I was talking about Light. I could be referring to Takada as well.

Tami: No. He was talking about Light.

Near: Which is strange, seeing as you hate him...

Light: Yeah...

Will: Be that as it may, I stiill believe that everyone deserves respect. So please people, try to show our friend Light some kindness. :3 -pats Light on the back-

Light: Wow... thanks...?

Will: No problem buddy.

Mello: How did a tiny raccoon reach up to Light's back...?

Will: There shall be SILENCE from you!

Mello: Uh... kay?

Light: -feeling loved-

L (to Near): Think he'll notice the kick me sign?

Near (to L): Possibly. I'm sure he figure it out once a few people start kicking him.

L: Yeah.

Matsuda: Do I get any lines...?

Will: -duct tapes Matsuda's mouth shut-

Matsuda: -cries-

Will: Well, that's our introduction. If anyone gives a flying anteater's grandmother, leave a question or two!

Tami: Or three or four.

L: Or even more!

Mello: ...

Near: ...

Will: Too much?

Near: Too much.

Mikami: -twitching on the floor-


	2. L wants his sweets damnit!

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

Will: Welcome back everybody!

Near: We never left...

Mello: I think he's still talking to those nonexistent readers he's still claiming are out there.

Light: I think he's insane...

Will: I think you all better shut up or Tami will turn you into beavers.

Tami: No I won't. I'm on a coffee break.

Will: ... You just have to make things difficult for me, don't you? And I have readers!!

Near: Four? That's pathetic.

Will: ...I don't like you.

Matt: Furret was caught! Do you want to give her a nickname? MattPwns chooses 'yes'. I will call here... Socky!!

Misa: ... is he okay?

Mello: He gets like this when he's been deprived of his video games for a while.

Will: Sorry Matt, you can't be playing games while answering questions.

Matt: ...

Will: ...?

Matt: Oh mah god! A Zigzagoon!!

Will: I- huh- what!?

Matt: -gets other sock- I'm gonna catch him!

Will: 0.0 Okay fine!! -throws DS at Matt's head-

Matt: -starts playing happily-

Will: I saw my whole life flash before my eyes.

Mello: How was it?

Will: I'm not going to make one of those jokes.

Near: He says that because he saw what a pointless and unfufilling life he's led up to this point.

Will: ...

Near: ...

Light: Can we just answer the question's already?

Misa: Yes, Misa-misa is getting bored.

Will: Fine. Roll clip.

Tami: We don't have a-

Will: You know what I mean!!

Tami: Whatever. First up is Android 24.

_Finally someone does a Deathnote Q&A! (Highfives Will)_

_Anyway onto the questions!_

_L: (Hugs) I'm sorry you died L, I cried when you died, damn Light and his evilness!! (Gives a trolley of sweets) That should do it!_

_Light: As much as I want to, I won't kill you...I actually believed in your ideals before you went insane and started trying to save your butt instead of keeping to your beliefs...you killed Takada and anyone who believed in you and wanted to help you...you were nothing but a murder, as bad as the people you were trying to eradicate from this world! (Slaps)_

_Near: You're so cute! (Hugs and gives him a toy) That should keep you entertained while you're here!_

_Mello: um...have some chocolate! (Gives)_

_Matsuda: I feel sorry for you...you're such a kind hearted person who gets made fun of for being so nice and somewhat naive. (takes off the duct tape and gives a hug)_

_Takada and Misa: I really like you both I really do but...you must have been blind to not have known that Light was using you from the get-go, I hereby grant you two, humiliation-notes which, when the persons full name is written in it, will cause something humiliating to happen to them! enjoy! (Gives)_

_Will: Hope things go well for this fic and that you get more questions...i know mine weren't really "questions" per say but hey...anything can happen, if things go well and another chapter comes along, you can bet I'll be back! (leaves)_

Will: Thanks! -High fives back, hand is crushed- GAAAHH! Teh **PAIN!!**

Mello: Think of it as Devine punishment for kidnapping us and trapping us in your basement.

Tami: -uses Health Note to fix Will's hand paw... whatever-

Light: How many of those do you have?

Tami: A few...

L: -smiles and hugs back while staring at the trolley of sweets- Thank you, I was sad when I died too. I was so close to catching Light and bringing him to justice.

Light: Too bad for you. I won.

Near: But then I beat you.

Mello: With my help!

Near: ... Sure, just keep telling yourself that Mello.

Light: I hate kids.

Will: Silence old person. Anyways, we can't be giving L an unfair advantage over the other contestants.

Ryuk: This is a contest...?

Will: SILENCE!! -confiscates trolley-

L: I have never felt such hatered for something so small.

Will: Ain't I a stinkah? Anyways, Light, respond to the nice android.

Light: Why does everyone want to kill me? I'm awesome! -rubs cheek-

Misa: Yes you are. -glomps Light-

Light: Yeah... get off Misa.

Misa: Yes Light...

Light: And I _had _to protect myself in order to be able to accomplish my goals. If I were to die, then there'd be no one left to save the world!!

Mello: Yeah, you're a regular saint.

Light: Thank you.

Mello: -facepalm-

Near: -starts to play with his new toy but it is instantly confiscated by Will-

Will: Sorry Near (no I'm not), but like stated earlier, you need to focus on the show.

Near: But Matt's not-

Will: Matt's scary. I don't want to end up like Socky.

Takada: I can't breathe! And I'm Takada!

Will: Shut up Socky. -goes to take chocolate from Mello-

Mello: -aims gun at Will- Just try it.

Will: T-try what Mello? I was just looking through the other reviews!

Mello: Thought so. -eats chocolate-

L+Near: This is unfair.

Tami: Life is unfair.

Ryuk: Hyuk hyuk, this is amusing.

Will: Really?

Ryuk: -watching Matt play video games- hyuk, hyuk. Awesome.

Will: -heartbroken-

Matsuda: I-I'm not naive! But thank you for removing the duct tape. I don't know why Will brought me here if he was just going to tie me up.

Will: I needed someone to practice on.

All: ...?

Will: ...

Matsuda: Practice for wha-

Will: SILENCE!!

Matsuda: ... Yes sir.

Misa: Misa is not blind. She knew Light was using her, but she also knows that Light loves her more than anything! He told her so!

Near: Blind.

Takada: Light... -wheeze- Light loves me MORE.

Misa: -hiss- does not.

Takada: -crawls out of sock- Does to, -attacks Misa-

Misa: -tries to strangle Takada-

Will: Animal abuse is bad people. Bad.

Takada and Misa: -notice the humiliation notes-

Will: oooh. I might just let them keep those.

All but Takada, Misa, and Will: That's not fair!

Will: Life's not fair. Get over it. I wanna see what they do to each other.

Takada: Oh you do, do you Will? -evil grin- I think some vengeance is in order, -writes Will's true name-

Will: How'd you even know my -all fur falls off- Holy fishsticks! I'm naked!!

L: Near, shield your eyes!!

Light: That... I could've lived without seeing.

Will: -blushing madly- I've gotta... get some clothes... -runs off-

Tami: -laughing hysterically- that was awesome! -High fives Takada-

Takada: -looking pleased-

Mello: Well and good. Can we move on?

Tami: Right. Next up is... Puddingcup.

L: ... Pudding... sweets... -in the fetal position-

Tami: ...riiight... moving on.

_LOL! Funny raccoon! okay... questions...  
For Takada: Is being a ferret-thing (or whatever you now are) fun? How's that sock Matt put you in?  
For Will and Tami: Are you gonna give L any sweets? He's about to go ninja on you so i would suggest you give them to him...  
hmm... can't think of anything else right now. Can't wait to read the rest of your story!_

Tami: She also apparently forgot to add another question, and so sent it in a PM_..._

_this is for Mikami: Hey, Mikami? Buddy? You still alive there?  
Hello? twitch your left eye if you're still alive..._

Takada: -muffled- Oh yes. Losing my perfect body to become a domesticated weasel is just _so _much fun. I could stay this way forever. And the fumes from Matt's sock... actually... I'm pretty sure these are toxic... -passes out-

Matt: Socky has fainted...

Mello: Play your game Matt.

Matt: Can do boss.

Tami: It's not my job to feed him. If he goes crazy he'll kill Will, not me.

L: The raccoon... must die...

Tami: -doesn't care-

Near: Remember people, animal abuse is wrong.

Light: We already told them that.

Near: Just getting the point across.

Light: As for Mikami...

Mikami: -twitching-

Near: He's still alive, he should be fine by the next episode.

Mello: How do you know, you're not a Doctor!

Near: Trust me, I'm smart.

Mello: ... I don't like you.

Tami: This from... Sonar.

_Matt  
Stupidest question you ever got asked?  
Worse pick up line you heard from someone?  
How do you react to MattxMello and MattxMisa pairings in stories?_

_Matsuda  
Who in the task force would you be more likely to drive insane?  
Did you ever try and pull a prank while in the task force?  
Is it true that you had to deliver news to the Yagami family about the death of Light? Did you tell them that he was Kira?  
I'm a fan of yours and it's bad enough that I get more dreams about you and Ide than anyone else.  
hugs Matsuda tightly to the point where he has to remove her arms cause she was accidently choking him_

_Near  
Worse name you ever been called?_

_Light  
Hey Lightbulb!_

All: ...

Matt: -playing his game-

All: ... Matt.

Matt: Lemme... find a save...

All: ...

Matt: Just gotta... beat this boss...

All: ...

Matt: Damn, I died. -restarts-

Mello: Oh for the love of-!! -snatches game- answer your questions or I'll break it.

Matt: -Near tears-

Mello: -heart of stone glare-

Matt: Tch. Fine. The stupidest question I was ever asked was... uh... 'Matt, are you going to get to work or just sit there playing video games all day'. Or at least... that's all I can think of at the moment. I'd have a better answer if Mello gave me back my DS.

Mello: ...

Matt: Please?

Mello: Finish answering the questions.

Matt: -sigh- fine. All pickup lines are lame.

Near: He's just never heard any because no one ever asks him out.

Matt: Have to! Tons of girls ask me out!

Near: Matt, you didn't even know the difference between a boy and a girl before you were ten.

Matt: Well hanging around Mello all the time, it's hard to tell...

Mello: I'm going to kill you. Just answer the question.

Matt: Fine. I'm gonna say the 'did it hurt when you fell from heaven' line. It's the most overused and no one likes it. So there. And... wait, people pair me and them together?! Wow, I never even spoke to Misa. I just called her cute. I guess blonds just dig me. -cheesy grin-

Misa: Ewww... I don't like you... nerd.

Matt: Ouch. Fine, I've still got Mello.

Mello: Matt... what gender am I?

Matt: ... You have a gender? I always thought you were like Mewtwo or Yoshi or something.

Mello: ...?

Matt: Eh... moving on.

Matusda: My turn! And Will isn't here to stop me from speaking!

Tami: Don't jinx it.

Matt: Jynx?

Light: Shut up, you've had enough screen time for one episode.

Matt: ... stupid Kira face.

Light: -glares-

Matsuda: Eh... anyways... I don't think I'd drive anyone insane. Though I'd have to say... Aizawa... he's so uptight. -checks to see if the others think he's doing well-

Near: -fell asleep when Matsuda started talking-

Misa: -cooing over how cute Matusi is-

Matusda: ... And uh... yeah. I did try to pull a prank once. On L...

L: You promised we'd never speak of that again.

Matsuda: -face red- R-right. It's not for the kids to hear anyways... really sorry about the scissors and hair gel part by the way.

L: -ignoring him-

Matsuda: Sorry. And yes, I did give them the news. I told Sayu that he died trying to stop Kira, but her mom knows the truth...

Light: Why'd you have to tell my mom!? When she dies I'll be grounded _forever!!_

Mastuda: From the way she talks I think it'll be worse than just grounding...

Light: GAH! You're so useless!

Matsuda: -slightly blue from the choking- Thanks... it's nice to know I have fans but... when you say dreams about Ide and me... you don't mean... about Ide _and _me... at the same time... do you?

Tami: Moving on.

Matsuda: Wait. I don't get what she meant!!

Near: -wakes up- the worse name I've ever been called?

Matsuda: Wait guys, I'm still talking!

Near: I think... all of them were poorly thought out an inaccurate, though none were particularly hurtful. Though I'm sure Mello tried his best. I would say there wasn't one, since they were all merely attempts at name calling.

Mello: -fuming-

Light: Uh... hey?

Tami: Next questions!! From threemillionworded

_Matsuda I love you soo much. Why don't you ever stand up for yourself?_

_L Don't you usually have sweets with you...like at all times? I would imagine you'd have them hidden...like in your sleeves?  
also...will you marry me?_

_Light You are an idiot. You should go die again. Like ow._

_Misa Have you ever thought about being a playboy bunny model?_

Matsuda: More questions...? Yay! Thanks, I guess. I don't stand up for myself? I hadn't noticed. I guess I-

Will: -back and wearing infant clothes- Matsuda! Why are you talking?

Matsuda: I got questions and-

Will: SILENCE!

Matsuda: Sorry...

Will: You should be. Now where are we...?

All: ...

Will: ... What?

Misa: Why is the naked raccoon wearing a bib and baby clothes?

Near: Must be some sick fetish of his...

Will: -blushing- this is all that would fit!

Matt: Suuuure.

Will: Damn you all!

L: No... Watari usually keeps my sweets... -sad- And I can't marry you, I'm sorry. I'm dead, and I don't even know you. Thanks for asking though.

Will: That, and he has a thing for Light.

All: 0.0...

Will: I mean... Look! A dancing raccoon!! -starts tap dancing-

L: Uh... moving on... Light, it's your turn.

Light: Die... Like ow?

Tami: She meant 'like now'.

Light: Ooooh. Well, she's a moron. I'm already dead, and I have no intention of doing so again. In fact, after I get out of here, I will restart my mission to become god of the ne-

Will: -tazars Light-

Light:

Will: No one wanted to listen to that speech again, right?

All: Nope, not really.

Will: Good.

Mikami: -twitch- K-kami...sama?

Misa: -kicks Will- Don't hurt my Lighty-poo! And no. Misa would never do that because she loves Light. And being a playboy bunny on top of a model and actress would leave her with no time for him!

Will: Owie.. yeah... whatevs. -looks over reviews again-

Tami: What's up Will?

Will: These guys seem to really want L to have his sweets back... we may lose viewers if we don't comply...

L: -hopeful look-

Will: -sigh- get him the trolley...

L: Yay! -feasts on sweets-

Tami: Awww... he's so cute!

Near: Wait... so Mello gets chocolate, Matt gets video games, and L gets sweets... but I don't get my toy??

Will: Right. :3 Don't you feel loved?

Near: Not particularly...

Mello: -eating chocolate- I think I'm starting to like you Will. -grins-

Will: I think that's kind of creepy Mello. -grins-

Mello: You wanna die rodent?

Will: Not really... Anyways. We'll see you nest time!

Takada: Wait! I'm still a ferret!

Will: So? I'm still furless. Who's fault is that? Oh, yours! So get the fuck over it bitch!

All: -stunned-

Tami: Did you take your nap today?

Will: ... no.

Tami: Go to bed Will.

Will: Fine. Night world!

Near: Or morning, as the case may be...

Will: Don't contradict me.

tbc


	3. Matsuda, shut up

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

Will: WE'RE BACK!!

L: And I was so enjoying Will's absence...

Will: Sorry for the delay people, I had to wait for my fur to grow back. -Glares at Takada-

Takada: -Human again- You'll get no pity from me.

Matt: The Zigzagoon should get me a new video game, I finished this one several times already.

Will: You're lucky I gave you one in the first pla- -stares at sock in Matt's hand- I'll be right back.

Tami: ... While that moron's gone, I'd like to announce a little... event... I've come up with for the fourth episode.

Light: Why do I get the feeling we won't like this...?

Tami: You can vote for any character on the show that isn't a Shinigami or a thing-y-gami.

Rem+Shidoh+Jealous+Ryuk: Awwww... -depressed-

Tami: Whoever the reviewers pick gets to endure Water Cure Torture!! You see, we strap them to a table and stick a funnel in their mouths, then we pour water down their throats (if they don't drink it they drown!), when their stomach is filled to the pint of bursting, we beat the crap out of them until they throw it back up! Then we repeat the process until I get bored!! Isn't that nice?

Rem+Shidoh+Jealous+Ryuk: YAY!!

Everyone else: 0.0...

Tami: So remember, vote for whoever you want. In fact, I'll be nice... vote for whatever THREE characters you want. Whoever is most hated gets the torture.

Light: I have a note from my doctor that says I can't be here for the next episode.

Takada: I'm violently allergic to funnels!

Tami: Shut up you whiners.

Will: I'm back! -tosses Matt a new game- Happy now!?

Tami: Remember... anyone...

Will: What's up with her?

Ryuk: Hyuk hyuk hyuk

Human characters: -hiding in a corner-

Will: Ooookay... Well, we're starting with the questions now! First questions from our returning questioner: SONAR!! Bwong!

_Matsuda  
When I'm talking about the dreams of you and Ide, I'm talking about separate ones though I did dream of a threesome once. I mean I would have dreams of you one day and then Ide the next. feels like someone is watching her from behind  
Sorry for accidently choking you.  
Does Aizawa yell at you even if you do nothing? is tempted to ask Aizawa if an egg ever landed in his hair when he had the fro  
Is it true that Ide has the worse time trying to get a girl?  
Did Sayu ever recover after Light's death?  
How many times have you been called an idiot?  
Even if guns are illegal to use, how do you perfect your aim? You seem really good with guns.  
Your thoughts as you shot Light and then watched him get away?  
Do you view Light different from Kira?_

Matsuda: -breathes again- thank god! Well, it's good to know that I have fans.

Will: Yeah, fans that have wet dreams about you.

Soichiro: Shut up and let him finish! -stern fatherly tone-

Will: What the-!? When did you get here!?

Matsuda: Hi chief! And yes, Aizawa /does/ yell at me for no reason at times. I think he just likes hearing his own voice.

L: I believe Matsuda is only saying this because he is bitter about being the only one to screw up often.

Matsuda: That's not true!

L: There's a seventy three percent chance that you're lying.

Matsuda: -sighs- Anyways, yeah, Ide can't get a girl to save his life.

Ide: And how many girlfriends do you have Matsuda? -glares-

Matsuda: -ignores Ide- Yes, from what I hear she's doing much better. Though I haven't had time to go see her in a while...

Light: Stay away from my sister. -growl-

Will: / I'm pretty sure the Japanese police can carry guns.

Matsuda: Yeah, I practiced at the shooting range back before I had to quit the police. And for your last questions, I wasn't really thinking much at that time. And now that I know Light was Kira, I don't see a difference between them. Though I'm still not sure if I completely disagree with his ideals...

Will: Bleh, Light sucks.

Light: Shut up Will.

Will: Don't tell me what to do!

_L  
Has someone ever spiked your cake with hot sauce?_

L: ... No...

Light: That's a great idea! -Grabs L's cake-

L: ... Light, the trick would only work if I was unaware of your actions...

Light: I knew that! I was being... comical. Yeah.

L: ...

Light: C'mon! I don't even have any hot sauce to spike it with!

L: -Takes his cake back- up 3 percent.

Light DX They already know I'm Kira!

L: So you admit it.

Light: I- Wait- What!?

L: -Smiles happily as he eats his cake-

_Mello  
Has your false alias of Mello ever been made fun of?_

Mello: Only every day. The guys in the Mafia used make fun of me all the time. And Matt's ring-tone is 'Have You Ever Been Mellow'.

Matt: -laughs- good times. Gooood times.

_Matt  
hugs Matt_

Matt: -Grins- See, I'm the most loved out of all of you.

_Ukita  
Poor Ukita. Wished you didn't die. Yes, I know who you are.  
gives Ukita a hug  
Why do you smoke anyways?  
Biggest fear besides death?  
Final thoughts as you died?  
Has Matsuda ever driven you nuts at one point? same question to Mr.Yagami, Aizawa, Light, L, Ide and Mogi  
What ran through your head as you made your way to Sakura TV?  
Funniest prank call you recieved before or during the Kira Case same question to the rest of the task force_

Will: Holy crap! I forgot to bring Ukita back!! -runs off-

L: There's a possibility that Will is more of an idiot than Mastuda.

Will: -distant- I'll take away your sweet privilages if you say that again!

L: ... Then again it's a very small possibility.

Tami: Y'know... I have the Life Note right here... I'll just... -Writes in Ukita's name-

Ukita: Where am I?

Gevanni: Just answer the questions. I'm up next.

Ukita: O...kay. Uh... Wish I didn't die either, thank you kind stranger? I smoke because it calms me down I guess.

Tami: He smokes?

Mastuda: -shrug-

Ukita: My biggest fear besides death... spiders. Not the normal ones you find in your house, just the hairy ones. They creep me out.

Tami: That's a lame fear.

Light: How so? I don't like spiders either.

Tami: And there's my point.

Ukita: My final thoughts... 'I guess I won't get to catch Kira after all'. And no, why would Matsuda drive me nuts?

Soichiro: No, but he's come close.

Aizawa: I have been tempted to strangle him on occasions.

Light: No, of course not.

Matt: LIES!!

All: -Stares at Matt-

Matt: What? We all know that's complete bullshit...

L:... anyways, no. I wouldn't allow someone like Matsuda to... 'drive me nuts'.

Ide: YES. He won't shut up about how I need a date. I think he's hitting on me.

Matsuda: EW! No! No!!

Ide: ... I was joking.

Matsude: ... oh.

All: -looks at Mogi-

Mogi: ...

All: ...

Mogi: ...

Matsuda: Try putting some peanut butter in his mouth.

_Gevanni  
And i know you for being the one that played an important role in the Kira case by spying on Mikami.  
You're pretty cute too.  
How would you react to a MikamixGevanni pairing?_

Gevanni: -smiles- thanks, I am pretty cute, aren't I?

Light: I'm cuter...

Gevanni: And the pairing annoys me. Why would I want to go out with a psychotic Kira supporter like him?

Mikami: I'm not psychotic! Don't make me delete you!

Gevanni: Don't make me shoot you!

Both: -glaring-

Matt: They're staring each other down!

All: ...

Matt: What...? Does no one remember pokemon stadium?

_Mikami  
Final thoughts as you were dying?  
When you saw Light have a break down, what were you thinking?  
You look cute without your glasses._

Mikami: I don't need to tell you what I was thinking. But thank you for the complement.

Near: Most likely he was thinking that he was a fool for following a false god, and he's now too embarassed to state it out loud.

Mikami: ...

Near: ...

Mikami: Where's my Death Note?

_Ide  
hugs Ide who is probably just taken off guard  
You're not hopeless and you got a few fangirls.  
Do people ask why you don't have eyebrows?  
Like I told Matsuda, I do have alot of dreams about you that I wrote in my journal.  
How tall are you?  
Has someone ever made fun of your name?  
Worse joke or advice you ever received?  
How do you react to being paired with Aizawa, Mogi, Matsuda & Light?  
Biggest misconception about you?  
Did people ever consider you a soft person or emotionless?  
Ever tried to avoid a conflict only to end up having to hit someone or hitting someone by accident or getting hit in the process?  
Does Matsuda pretend that you have a girlfriend while on duty?  
I notice you wear green alot of times. I do like the color green.  
Worse injury recieved? same question to task force  
Do you think people might misunderstand you at times? same question to Matsuda, Mello & Matt  
Any favorite shakesphere play you like? I'm a Macbeth fan  
What have you observed about the other people you work with? Any annoying habits that they picked up?  
Weirdest habit you picked up?  
falls asleep on Ide while standing up and Matsuda decided to pick on Ide for it_

Ide: -blush- Thank you. And I ignore people when they ask about them.

Matsuda: I'm still curious about it.

Ide: Well that's... -blush- nice. And I don't know... average height?

(aka, Will can't be bothered to look it up)

Ide: Not that I know of... why would they? Is my name funny? And the worst advice I've ever received is 'Just be yourself'.

Matsuda: She was a bitch anyways...

Ide: Moving on. I don't really care who people pair me with, it's not like I'm going to read their stories. And for the misconception... It would have to be that I'm no fun. I can be a normal guy when I'm not working, really. I'm fun!

Light: So many questions. Why are none for me?

Will: -back- Because no one likes you.

Ide: For the next two questions, no, sorry. I like green too, I actually like mostly earthy colors.

Mello: Oh gods, they're talking about colors now.

Matt: Boooring.

Ide: My worst injury... Well... I got hit by a car once. That sucked.

Matsuda: I strained my neck when I 'fell' off the building that one time.

Aizawa: When I lost my Afro.

Matt: -moving Mogi's lips up and down and speaking in a high voice- When I got castrated with a pair of scissors!

Soichiro: When L thought my son was Kira, that was a great personal injury.

Mello: Hmm, I thought you would've said 'when I got shot up by a Mafia thug, blown up, and then died in a hospital bed miles away from home' but your answer's good too I guess.

Ukita: The heart attack. That sucked. Royally.

Ide: Yeah, people might misunderstand me, but that's their own problem.

Matsuda: People ALWAYS misunderstand me. It hurts.

Mello: I can usually correct their thinking when that happens.

Matt: -playing game- eh... pass.

Ide: I enjoyed 'A Midsummer Night's Dream'. And Matsuda has the habit of continuously talking when people want him to shut up.

All: -waits for more-

Ide: ...

Will: -sigh- Next question Ide.

Ide: Oh, I don't have any habits that I know of and... why is she sleeping on me.

Matsuda: -laughing-

Will: moving right along. It's... threemillionworded!

_AH! Give near his toys! I Command you!_

If you don't I shall stop reading. glare

Near: -smiles creepily- There. Someone cares.

Will: Feh. One person. -sulking-

Near: Do I get my toys now?

Will: ...

Mello: If you give him a toy, I'll shoot you.

Will: THIS ISN'T FAIR!!

Mello: Life isn't fair.

Near: -sigh- I just want something to play with.

Will: -looking between Near, Mello, and threemillionworded- MOVING ON!! Up next is MattsHalo!

_Matt...I feel your pain about Socky fainting...my Furrett just fainted...anyways, I think you're freakin awesome so screw what Misa said. You're still cute. hugs :) _

Matt: -grins- Man, the love just won't stop coming. And sorry about your Furrett man, it's sad when they faint. I'm just glad Socky's feeling better now.

Takada: My name is TAKADA!

All: Shut up Socky.

_L: Sweets for you! Do you think that the saying 'You are what you eat.' applies to you? How do you think it applies to everyone else in the room?_

L: I wouldn't say so. I have yet to turn into a giant strawberry cake. Though according to many of my fans I am incredibly 'sweet' so perhaps...

Will: -rolls eyes-

L: As for everyone in the room... Near doesn't eat anything as far as I can tell, though I know he must eat /something/. Mello consumes a lot of chocolate, which explains his completely sexual appearance. Ryuk eats apples but I don't see much connection to his personality, Matt, Yagami-san and the other members of the task force eat normally, and most of the shinigami do not eat at all. Aiber drinks wine often, and is very sophisticated when he wants to be. Hmm... and I've seen Will consuming vast amount of Warheads when no one is looking, which might account for his sour personality.

Will: SILENCE!

_Takada: Goddamnit...just shut up..._Takada: -glares- Don't tell me what to do! I'll write your name in the Humiliation Note!

Light: Socky- Takada.. you don't know his/her real name.

Takada: ... damnit.

_Will:HUGS! These stories of yours are fun!_

Will: -blush- Aww... thanks!

_Mikami: Did you know you said the word 'Delete' 96 times throughout the entire Death Note series? I actually counted, and sir, you have a serious problem. Here's some Adderall. _

Mikami: Ninty six? Hmm... it seemed like more than that. -looks at Adderal- ... what are you implying with this?

_Light: You are such an ass,you just amaze me with how you said you may have to kill Sayu...and that's Matsuda's future wife!(Right, Matsuda?)_

Matsuda: RIGHT!

Light: -glares-

Matsuda: I mean... no. No... she's not.

_Mello: hugs! You're so cute when you're evil! Just like Matt with his games!  
And just because I think everyone in the room is so awesome, you get to give Lightlamp...A VASECTOMY!_

Mello: I'm not cute! And... wait... Give Light a vasectomy?

All except Light, Takada, Soichiro, and Misa: SWEET!!

(Due to the graphic nature of the next scene, we have decided to cut it from the final draft)

Light: -curled up in the fetal position surrounded by the few characters who give a shit- I... I... why'd they use hedge trimmers?

Misa: Oh... poor Lighto!

Will: Whatever, anyways... up next it... ComaWhite.X!

_:gasp:! a dancing Raccoon!!_

I have questions!!

Will: Congrats.

_Light: YOU POOR SOUL! Didn't you ever feel completely alone, stuck with that mind of yours, trapped with the idea of a new world that was always just out of grasp? I pity you and your god complex, and though I violently dislike you for being an utter pillock, I was sad when you died, because you were very interesting, and it meant that Death note was over._

Light: -magically recovers(Health Notes are so useful)- I was never stuck in my mind about it. I was going to make it a reality! If it weren't for the two most annoying characters in this show, I would've! -glares at Matsuda and Near-

Both: Love you too Light.

Light: And whether or not you like me is none of my concern. Who needs fans when you're GOD!?

L: Just keep saying that Light. You know you wish you had as many as us. -standing next to Mello and Matt-

Mello: -Smirks- but nope, you have to share your shame with the sheep.

Near: Hi.

Light: -sobbing-

_L: Hello!! You don't really talk much do you?  
One of my alternate personalities named Eruru is INCREDIBLY like you, she dresses the same, sits the same, eats the same food, analyses everything the same, and even has one of your little pixie smiles. Does this completely freak you out? It freaks me and the others out! Also, I'm glad your alive again!_

L: I'm glad to be alive as well. And to answer your question, it is not the personality's similarity to myself that is unnerving, but the fact that you have others that is slightly alarming.

Will: Split personalities are fun though!

L: ... right.

_Mello: You are hot. I'm attracted to androgynous males though, so I don't know if you're gonna take this as a compliment or not..._

Mello: I'm not androgynous! I look like a man in every way! Only a complete moron would think I was a girl!

Near: ... I thought you were female when I first saw you. And it's been proven that you're less intelligent than I am. So if I am a moron, what is Mello.

Mello: ... I'm going to shoot you.

Near: If you're going to, then do it. -completely indifferent-

Mello: -storms off to sulk-

Near: -smiles- He likes me.

_Matsuda: I wuv 'o! You're sweet, and i'm glad that you have courage and strength, you are a brilliant person and you will go far in life!_

Matsuda: -happytear- Thank you!

_Matt: Connect with me??_

Matt: SURE!

Will: No time, moving on. Next questions are from puddingcup!

_Will: This isn't a question but whatever... you should skip the naps more often... its fun when you curse at Takada :D_

Will: Can do ma'am!

Takada: I despise you.

_L: if i die, can we be together in heaven? -hugs- You need more sweets... -gives L a strawberry cheescake-_L: I doubt I'll be going to Heaven, considering I am an atheist. -Eats cheesecake- though I thank you for the cake. It's delicious. -smiles-

_Near: sh... don't tell will i gave you this toy... -sneakily hands Near a toy- _

Will: -pretends not to notice as Near takes the toy-

Near: -plays- The world is in balance again.

_Mello: Mello, Please behave... i know its not easy, but if you do behave, i'll give you a lot of chocolate in the next episode!_

Mello: -Aiming the gun at Near- ... -lowers it- How much chocolate are we talking about here?

_Matt: What level are you on? wait that's a stupid question... you've probably already beat the game... :D_

Matt: Yeah, actually I'm on my third time through already. God, Will, can't you find a challenging game?

Will: Be glad you have anything at all, jerk.

_Light: -glares- Asshole.. -slaps- killing people isn't nice..._

Light: Slapping people isn't nice either, bitch.

Will: BE NICE TO MY READERS! -smacks Light-

Light: Don't touch me! -slaps Will-

Matt: ZIGZAGOON! USE FURY SWIPES!!

Will: Shut up Matt! ... good idea though. -starts scratching Light's face-

_Misa and Takada: I really don't know what to say... Light is a man whore (sorry for my language) you two should dump him... or at least use the humiliation notes on him... make him freakishly deformed or something..._

Will: Language is not an issue here.

Takada: I don't care what you think of Light. I love him.

Misa: Yeah! Me too. Except more than stupid Tacky here.

Matt: SOCKY! USE SURF!!

Takada: What the hell?

_Matsuda: -ruffles hair- I've always wanted to do that... both you and L have cool hair... -sneaks up behind L and ruffles L's hair-_

Matsuda and L: -Chibi squee-

_Mikami: lol... you should really be more careful with those pens... you're not Jason Bourne y'know... if you want to die by a pen, call him..._

Mikami: ... Seriously... where is my death note?

Will: Well, I don't know. But I certainly didn't steal it. -whistles-

Tami: Next up is from... xXxMeltedHersheyBarxXx

_I'll be nice and ask a question for each and every one of you.  
Matsuda: Did you and Sayu ever get together? You seemed to really have a thing for her.  
By the way, you're not completely unloved. I like you; we should be friends._

Matsuda: I wish. She just doesn't feel for me in the same way. -sighs-

Will: Get over it. She digs me more.

Matsuda: -glaring at Will- Okay, friends is good.

_L: What do you look for in a woman? If you found the woman of your dreams, what would you do?_

L: I am not looking for a woman at all. To be completely honest I don't have much interest in romance.

_Raito-Lighto: If you were king of the world, what would be the first thing you'd do?_

Light: Didn't you watch Death Note? I WAS the king of the world!

Will: Just answer.

Light: I'd purge the world of evil of course!

_Misa: Have you ever read a book?_

Misa: Of course Misa-misa reads books! She loves Romeo and Juliet especially!

_Takada: Did you ever have sex with Light?_

Misa: SHE BETTER NOT'VE!

Takada: A lady doesn't undress and tell.

Light+Misa: -Gaping-

Misa: Oh that is IT! -Writes Takada's name in humiliation note-

Takada: What the hell? -gets covered in acne- Oh my god! -faints-

All: Ew...

_Mikami: What was the worst thing a bully ever did to you?_

Mikami: ... I don't like to talk about it...

Will: So I will! I happen to know this story because I probed his mind last week. I was bored.

Takada: So what happened.

Will: It was awesome! They beat him to a bloody pulp, then they stripped him buck naked and tied him to the flag pole! He was out there all night! And when the kids showed up for school the next day, everyone got to see Mikami's impressive... eh... moving on. :3

_Mello: How many bars of chocolate do you eat on average in a day? And where can I get a pair of pants like yours, you sexy fiend?_

Mello: I can eat anywhere from seven to ten bars daily. -smirk- And you /can't/ get a pair of pants like mine, because mine are more awesome than any you'll ever find. EVER.

Matt: How so?

Mello: SILENCE!

Will: That's my thing!

_Matt: What's your game: RPG, MMO, First-person-shooter, strategy?  
And why do you wear goggles? I had a feeling it was to help ease the glare of staring at screens all day. Am I right?_

Matt: The one I'm playing right now is an RPG. Though it has a crappy storyline and is pretty much just a glorified shooter game. Oh well, fun fun.

Will: Don't complain.

Matt: I'm not. And no. That's not why I wear these, though good point. I wear them because they make me look drop dead sexy.

Mello+Near: It's true, they do.

Matsuda: Hehehe, that rhymed.

Soichiro: Shut up Matsuda.

Matsuda: Yes sir.

_Last and just about least (Near): Have you ever gotten lost in a snow storm?_

Near: You say I'm least, but I happen to be the worlds greatest detective at the moment.

L: But I'm alive again, so now I get my spot back.

Near: No you don't.

L: Yes I do!

Near: No you don't.

L: I could sleuth circles around you!

Near: Then why am I the only one who could catch Light?

L: You had help!

Will: Enough! Moving on.

Near: Right. I never got lost in a snow storm because Rodger always made me wear a tracking collar whenever it snowed at Wammy's.

Mello: Gods that was so funny.

Matt: Yeah, one time we attached a leash to it and dragged him around calling him Rover.

Mello: Good times.

_Thank you for answering my questions, I very well may write again._

Will: We look forward to it! Finally, I'm Nova has the last questions!

abuse_To Mello: 1) Where do you come from? I heard Germany, Croatia... I'm getting confused.  
2) Did you ever consider that perhaps you're second because while Near has his own quirks your chocolate-loving attitude is too much like a copycat of L sweets fixation? By the way, this is not my real name and you won't find a photo on my profile, so even if you can get a hold of another Death note you can't kill me.  
3) How do you feel about the MelloNearMello pairing? (I write it this way so it's not decided who's on top ;) )_

Mello: Where I come from is none of your business.

Will: He doesn't know.

Mello: SHUT UP!

Will: Touchy.

Mello: And also, JUST LOOK AT NEAR! He copies just about everything else about L! Poor posture, stacking things, HIS EYES!

Near: I can't help the way my eyes look. And I'm much better at stacking things than L.

Mello: Shut up brat. And I don't NEED the Death Note to take you down! I'll just have Matt track you down through the Internet and kill you myself!

Will: Wow, Matt can do that.

Mello: -shrug- I think so. When he's not playing video games I'll ask.

Will: Good luck with that.

Mello: I would never allow myself to be topped by that albino freak.

Near: That's fine, I don't mind bottoming. -Smiles-

Mello: NO! Gross! Never!

Near: Sure Mello.

Will: Eh... anyways... Read and Review, the more questions the better! Unless you have as much as Sonar. That was just scary.

Light: Wuss.

Will: Shut up! Okay, so g'bye peeps!

Tami: Don't forget to vote!

Will: Huh?

Tami: Nothing, goodnight folks!

tbc


	4. And the winner is!

Disclaimer: What's the point anymore? By now you should realize that I don't own it. /

Will: Welcome back my loyal fans!

Near: Actually, they're our loyal fans. You're just the host. No one cares about you.

Will: ... Tami, make him allergic to raccoons.

Tami: -pulls out Sick Note- Kay kay.

Near: -breaks out in hives-

Mello: Will, for that, I won't shoot you this episode.

Will: Thanks Mels!

Mello: Don't call me that.

Near: -seemingly unaffected by the hives- ...

Will: SILENCE!!

Near: I didn't say anything.

Will: I said SILENCE!!

All: ...

Will: Anyways, thank you all for the questions. And the... seemingly random votes. ... ... why were there votes?

Light: She wants to kill us!

Tami: Shut up Light. And really Will, it's nothing to worry about. -turns to the reviewers- the winners of the contest will be announced at the end.

Near: Plural?

Tami: Yesss... -smirks at albino sheepy boy-

Will: I'm just going to ignore this. -sweatdrop-

Tami: Oh, and one more thing! Two characters who shall remain nameless were found stuffing the ballet box with another cast member's name. Those two will be deprived of their respective addictions for the remainder of this episode.

Matt+Mello: NOOOOOO!!

Near: So much for remaining nameless...

Mikami: Can we just move on?

Will: First things first. My excuse.

Socky: But this is the third topic...

Will: Shut up. Anyways. Too apologize for the delay... We moved and I had to wait a while for internet.

Near: And then there were the last few weeks where he was just being a lazy asshole.

Will: ...

Near: ...

Will: Is there a way to make him /more/ allergic to raccoons?

Tami: Yes, but I like that he's mean to you. Announce the first questions.

Will: -sigh- Skyhe's up first.

_Go Raito! glomps I'm so sorry everyone's mean to you, so here's a bag of potato chips kami-sama! _

Light: -smiles- It's so good to know that there's someone who still loves me out there. -eats chips dramatically- God is pleased.

L: -glares-

Light: I'm kidding...

_Anyway, Matt, you were the BEST character. Why do you think you didn't get much screen time? What's your favorite video game? And have you ever slept with Mello?_

Matt: Thanks. -adds another mark to tally- And to answer your first question, it's obvious that if I was given anymore screentime, all attention would've been diverted from the main characters to me.

Will: Because he's just that sexy.

Matt: Yup.

Near: And he's modest too.

Matt: Yup.

All: -sweatdrop-

Matt: YOU WANT ME TO CHOOSE!? -crying- I-I can't do it! Could you pick a favorite CHILD? Assuming that you're a parent...

Tami: Why would a mother/father be reading Death Note fanfiction...?

Matt: Stranger thing've happened. And of course I've slept with Mello.

Mello: You have?

Matt: Yeah, don't you remeber? Well I supposed you /were/ kind of out of it, you may've forgot.

All: 0.o...

Matt: What?

Mello: -reaching for gun-

Matt: Mello?

_L: Do you think Rait's sexy? Tell the truth._

L: It is quiet obvious that Yagami-kun is physically attractive. I very much enjoy staring at him while he speaks, or eats, or sleeps... -creepy smile-

Light: -staring horror struck-

Misa: MISA KNEW IT! SHE SOOOOO KNEW IT!!

L: Knew what?

Misa: That Ryuuzaki is gay!

L: I never said I was gay. -blinks in confusion-

All: -sweatdrop-

L: What?

_Finally, to creepy little Near: Why the heck do you look like you're five? And do you die your hair? (I know you're not albino since you don't have red eyes, so you_ _must.)_

_Pm: Oh, and I vote Near for water torture ._

Near: ...

Mello: Hahah, he's speechless! -forgets wanting to kill Matt-

Will: Answer the questions Near.

Near: -sigh- Normally I wouldn't even bother responding to someone so unintelligent that they do not even know the difference between d-i-e and d-y-e, but considering current circumstances, I am forced to answer the questions.

Will: Don't be mean to my readers!

Near: She was rude first, and please do not interrupt me. Now, to answer your first question, the reason I 'look like I am five' is because of numerous factors such as malnutrition, stress, and lack of sleep throughout my life. Also it should be noted that I've yet to hit my pubertal growth spurt, which some may find odd for someone of my age, but it's completely outside of my control. And another thing, please try to be more accurate in your descriptions, as I do not look as young as a five year old, unless children of that age where you come from develope at a more rapid rate than normal humans.

Will: Why does he talk so much?!

Near: I'm defending myself. Anyways, no. I do not 'die' my hair or even 'dye' it. Also, I do not believe that it is possible to dye your hair white, though it is possible to bleach it. No, I don't do that either. Please refrain from making such foolish assumptions. My hair is naturally white, and yes, I _am _albino. You seem not to realize that red is not the only color an albino's eyes can be. They are also occasionally blue or grey, and my eyes are the latter. Please try to know all the facts before saying something so stupid. Thank you.

All: ...

Matt: Wow. Skyhe got served.

Near: -idly playing with a strand of hair-

Will: Why must you all insult my reviewers!?

Tami: He's just being pissy because she voted for him.

Near: Yes, that was quiet upsetting.

Will: Whatever. Anyways, up next is... filmgurl2008.

_I vote for you to hurt...  
LIGHT! LIGHT! LIGHT!  
LIGHT! LIGHT! LIGHT!  
LIGHT! LIGHT! LIGHT!  
LIGHT! LIGHT! LIGHT!_

Light: ... do all those votes count?

Tami: Naw, just the first one.

Light: -sighs in relief-

Tami: Not that that's going to help you...

Light: WHAT?

Tami: Nothing! Up next is Sorami-san!

_Bwahahaha! My turn! -evil, yet happy galre-_

_L: -SQUEALS!!- I LOVE YOU! -n00b grin-  
Anyway, L, what are your thoughts on the L/Light pairing?  
What was the first sweet/cake/candy-thing you ever ate?  
Did you know you're adorable? :D -secretly hands him a plate of strawberry cheesecake with CHERRIES on top for the heck of it-_

L: :3

Mello: Hah, maybe Matt isn't the most popular character.

L: It's nice to know I have fans. As for my thoughts on the L/Light pairing... Hmm... I don't view it possitively or negitively. Though Yagami-kun being a mass murderer prevents me from ever actually loving him in real life.

Misa: GAY!

L: I didn't say I was gay.

Tami: Shut up Misa. -turns Misa into a pit bull-

Misa: Wha-what the?! -starts barking at Takada-

Takada: I always knew she was a dog.

L: ... Moving on. The first sweet I ever ate...? Strawberry cake. My parents gave it to me for my first birthday. :3

Light: You remember that?

L: No, I saw pictures.

Mikami: May I see these pictures...?

L: ... No. -accepts cake- Thank you. :3 No need for the secrecy though. Will will lose fans if he doesn't let me have it.

Will: -grumbling under his breath-

_Near: I think you're kinda adorable, but only because you're like a young version of L- except for the hair. Ew. gives him a toy robot anyway_

Near: Is there something wrong with my hair...? A lot of people seem to be insulting it...

Mello/Will: Hell yes.

Light: It makes you look like a creepy old man.

Near: That would be upsetting to hear, if it weren't for who was saying it.

Mello: And what's wrong with us?

Near: -ignores, accepting robot and starting to play-

Light: Little...

Will: When he goes to sleep, we attack.

Tami: Does he sleep?

_Light: I really, /really, REALLY wish you were burning in Hell right now, but I'll give EVERYONE a hug (and L a kiss) if you shove him in the oven for a few hours... or days... or weeks...  
And yes, I vote for him the have the water torture thing mentioned earlier. ;D_

Will: We can shove him in for the remainder of your questions. :D Sorry that's all.

Light: What? I thought you and I were plotting murder together! We're PALS!!

Will: SILENCE! -shoves him into oven- I want a hug. :l

Light: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!! IT BUUUURNS.

Matt: Yeah, no shit. X3

Mello: That brings back painful memories.

Matt: Want me to kiss it better?

Mello: ...

Matt: :3

Mello: -shoots Matt-

_Matt: /LOVE/ your goggles! U Yeys for Matt! gives him a Wii and Super Smash Bros Brawl -pats him on the head and ruffles his hair-_

All: ...

Matt: Xx

Will: Tami, I think Mello killed him.

Tami: Really?

Will: -checks- Yeah.

Tami: Oh.

All: ...

Tami: ...

All: :l

Tami: Oh you want him /back/. -ressurects Matt-

Matt: MELLO YOU ASSH- -distracted by new games- Yay! :D

Tami: -takes games- Matt will get these back in the next chapter.

Matt:

_Mello: Seriously, what did your parents LOOK like? o.o Manlady.. thing... BUT! I like the scar, and I LOVE you for helping Light DIE. That was AWSUM._

Mello: Matt you said no one could notice the scar!

Light: How couldn't you notice it? It takes up half your freakin' face!

Mello: I-I went out in public... People saw me looking like THIS??

Will: Get over it.

Mello: -shoots Will-

Will: GAH! You said you wouldn't DO THIS!!

Mello: I lied. -shoots Will again-

Tami: Animal abuse is wrong people.

_Matsuda: Yeah, just... yeah. gives him peck on cheek and runs off, smiling-_

Matsuda: :3

Will: SILENCE!

Matsuda: 0.o But I-

Will: SIIILENCE!!

_Takada and Misa: CATFIGHT! xD_

Misa: -mauling Takada-

Ryuk: More of a dogfight actually.

Will: Give her rabies.

Tami: Good idea. -get's out Sick Note-

_Anyway, bye-as! Awsum story XD!_

Will: :D Thanks. Next up is... Puddingcup! Welcome back! :D

_Takada: I'm glad you despise me... its always good to know the feeling is mutual! why don't you die already?_

Takada: Because Tami and Will won't let me die. -bashes Misa over the head with a hammer-

_Will/Tami: Don't bring Takada to life when i kill her..._

Will: Sorry.

Tami: We have to.

_L: well, whatever... and yes, the cheesecake is delicious isn't it? -hands L a variety of random cakes and gives him a hug w/ a kiss on the cheek-_

L: :3 I'm feeling very loved right now.

Light: -sigh-

Near: Get over it.

_Near: I'm glad the world is in balance again :D If i give you some food, will you eat it? no one ever sees you eat... -hands Near a cherry- you seem like a cherry kinda guy :D_

Near: -stares at Cherry-

All: -stares at Near-

Near: -draws smiley face on cherry- :)

Will: Damn.

Near: Kidding. -eats cherry- See? Perfectly human.

_Mello: Hell, i'll give you as much as you like... but if you shoot Takada, i'll be happy and give you more than you ask for! -hands Mello 9,9,9 chocolate bars- i'll have to remember to give you another one next chapter so it can be 1 billion!... please don't die of a chocolate overdose..._

Mello: :D -shoots Takada and starts eating chocolate bars-

Takada: -censored cursings-

Near: Mello will die of lead poisoning if he eats all of those...

Matt: Or sugar overdose.

Tami: He'll get them in the next episode.

_Matt: i think you should kill Socky/Takada... I hope she's cursed me out by now... :D -hands Matt a bunch of _

Matt: I'm not a murderer and... what are you handing me 'a bunch of'?

_Light: well killings worse than slapping you stupid bastard... feel bad, kid... i don't call just anyone that word... -glares at Light- honestly... i could go on and on about how much i dislike you -slaps-_

Light: 0 -poofs out of the oven- OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW. -looks at questions- Hey, I never hurt YOU.

Will: You hurt a bunch of other people though. And you'd probably kill her if you knew her name.

Light: Would not. (That would make it obvious that I'm Kira...)

L: Heard that.

Light: DAMN.

_Will: thank you for defending me -hugs-_

Will: X3 No problem. I'm a raccoon of JUSTICE.

Light: But I AM justice.

Will: SILENCE!!

_Misa: Seriously... why be Light's bitch? He's a pimp and a looser. Heck, you're a Japanese Idol... you could do so much better... still don't like you though, but my dislike is lessening... i'm starting to see that you're just too stupid to see that what you're doing is wrong... -hands a gift certificate to the mall to Misa-_

Misa: Misa-Misa doesn't know whether to be happy or offended... -staring at gift certificate and thinking REAL hard-

Near: Maybe we should give her some time to process everything Miss Puding said...

Will: Yeah...

_Matsuda and L: Aw! such cute squees! -ruffles hair again so she can hear the squees-_

L/Matsuda: X3 -squee-

Mello: STOP THAT! It's creepy.

_Mikami: lol i was totally being serious there... no need to get all pissy. And i can't remember who said it, but you do look kinda cute without your glasses... -smiles as she takes Mikami's glasses and give him contacts- L is still the sexiest though! -hands L more sweets and give him another hug-_

Mikami: I like my glasses though... -puts in contacts-

Matt: NO! I don't want competition!

L: :D Wow, I'm collecting a lot of sweets, aren't I?

Near: Yup. -still playing with toys and making small explosion noises- :)

_hahah... i'm guessing that Takada has fainted from running out of breath because she's cursed me out! :D its nice to know that i can piss people off!_

Will: Actually... I think it was blood loss... -pokes Takada- and possibly the infections from getting bit by a rabid Misa.

Takada: -twitch-... -twitch-

_Gevanni: you're kinda cute! lol do you like Halle? i think that would be a cute one-sided crush._

Gevanni: -glances at Halle-

Hal: No way in hell.

Gevanni: Oh well, I can get tons of girls back in the States. :D

Hal: Sure you can.

_Halle: Is it true that you and Mello are a couple? i think that'd be so cute!_

Hal: Just because a guy lives in my bathroom doesn't mean we're automatically a couple. :l

Matt: She's just sad because she got rejected.

Mello: I don't do older chicks.

_Lester: i can never remember... is it Lester of Rester? i think its Lester, but lemme know if i'm wrong!_

Rester: It's Rester, occording to Will.

Will: MY WORD IS LAW! XD

Tami: Sure it is.

Will: BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!

_Japanese Task Force: what is the most random case you have ever worked on... same question for L_

Soichiro: Everything we had was pretty standard before the Kira Case.

Ide: Yeah, that was random.

Mogi: -nods-

Matsuda: I dunno, I think the time we had to catch that theif who only stole those air fresheners for cars was the most random.

Ukita: Yeah.

Aizawa: I'm with Ide and the chief.

L: Well... the most random case was when only my chocolate went mysteriously missing from my candy stash, it took me a week to find the culprit.

Will: Really? That sounds pretty standard and easy to solve.

L: What made it random was who was actually stealing it.

Tami: It wasn't Mello?

Mello: I wouldn't steal from my idol! (At least I wouldn't steal enough that he would notice...)

Matsuda: Then who did it?

L: I'm not naming names.

Light: How about aliases then?

L: Oh, okay. Near did it. -points-

All: ...

Near: ...

Light: -gigglesnort-

_okay, time to go... i'll ask more questions for the next chapter! -gives L a kiss-_

L: :3 -rubs cheek- See you then.

_Hi...  
i forgot to say who i wanted to go through the water torture thing in Death  
Note Interrogatoins!  
i want Light, Takda, and Misa... :D DIE TAKADA DIE!_

Will: Water torture? What the hell?

Tami: Ignore it Will. Next up is we've all got our junk. Hah, you readers should feel sorry for this reviewer. I don't know how many times we got the 'full version' of her questions sent to us, but she gets cut off every time. Suckish, no?

Yeah. So I reviewed Death Note Interrogation. But my computer has AIDS. So  
here is my full review:

_"First off, I think this is extremely entertaining. Thanks to puddingcup for  
showing me this! :3 Yeah. So my previous review was mysteriously cut off after  
like...4 lines into Matts Message...o.O...I say we blame Socky. I honestly  
don't feel like typing everything up again though, so I will get to L, and  
Misa (who were originally in this) in the next review. :3 (Oh, and I apologize  
in advance for my language. I tend to swear excessively.)_

Matt: OMG I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! huggles Matt You are my favorite!  
I'd ask you to marry me, but you'd say no. sniffles  
We should be friends though. :]  
Oh, and good job with Socky! 

Will: Yay for Puddingcup for getting me more readers!

Light: I doubt you have any left after your absense.

Will: Shut up. Matt, reply to what she's got.

Matt: Friends sounds good, unfortunately I'm already married to my video games. :3

Mello: -Sigh-

Matt: :3 -huggles Socky- I /did/ do a good job with her, didn't I? I'll bet she's close to level 100 by now.

Takada: I'm not a ferret anymore! Stop TOUCHING me. *kicks Matt*

Matt:

Will: Errr... Takada's probably going to get killed for that eventually... Next up is xXxMeltedHersheyBarxXx.

_I'm back, as I said I would be.  
I plan to ask questions, then vote.  
L: How old were you when you went to Wammy's House?_

L: I started there when I was about eight. -shrug-

Will: Maybe.

_Kira, the original model: We're all friends here, so tell us: you gay? _

Light: :l No. I'm not.

Will: -cough- Liar.

_Misa: Have you seriously read Romeo and Juliet? Shakespeare doesn't seem to be your speed, which is slow..._

Will: She's really not as stupid as you all seem to think.

Misa: Well it was hard to read, but it had explinations of the tex in the margin so I got the story.

Takada: Hah. I never even looked at those.

Misa: Grrrr... bitch. -attacks-

_Takada: Why is your hair so short? You look like a boy with a boobjob._

Takada: Oh? And I'm sure your hairstyle is so much better. This happens to be a practicle doo for a tv host. I don't have a lot of time to prepare in the mornings.

Tami: So in other words.. you're lazy.

Takada: Don't even speak to me, you horned freak.

Misa: Misa-Misa has many more things to do than you do, and she manages to do them while keeping her /long/ hair neat and lusterous.

Will: Ugh. Stop talking!

_Matt: Favorite game console?_

Matt: Why does everyone want me to choose! Though... probably one of the handheld systems... they make ignoring Mello portable. :D

Mello: Thought so. -attacks Matt-

Matt: MERCY!!!! D:

_Mello: Shame I can't find a pair of pants as wonderful as yours... I just want you to know you ARE smarter than Near because along with your amazing logical thinking, you have great knowledge of emotions: a high EQ, if you will. Are you religious or is the crucifix for show?_

Mello: Hah. I knew I was more intelligent then that little sheep freak.

Near: Says your fans.

Mello: And your hundreds of anti fans.

Near: Who are mostly your fans.

Mello: Shut up. You're just being a baby because someone realizes I'm smarter. And my pants /are/ wonderful, aren't they? They were custom made.

Near: And so was that ridiculous shirt with the zipper that winded all over.

Matt: Heh, yeah. It was fun watching him try to get into that. Heheheh. He kept pinching his arm hair in the zipper, so he started shaving his arms. Heheh.

Near: Weird.

Mello: Shut up! And I was raised to be religious, but I wouldn't say it's a huge thing. -plays with curcefix- I do pray on it whenever I kill people though.

Matt: Yeah, right after he licks it clean of his victims' blood.

Mello: Shut the hell up Matt.

_Mikami: Have you ever heard of being a leader, not a follower? Try it sometime._

Mikami: I am a leader. But I know when to follow as well.

_Will: Were you always a raccoon? I'm sorry I didn't leave a question for you last time._

Will: I got a question!? -passes out-

Tami: -sigh- No, he's a guy. He had me turn him into a Raccoon so that he couldn't be killed with the Death Note. -holds up Animal Note-

Will: I'm smart!

Tami: Weren't you passed out?

_Tami: Here are my three votes: NEAR, Socky and Demegawa! Yeah, that's right: Demegawa. I know he's hiding in there. Filming this to get viewers on his lame tv station._

Demegawa: Shit, I've been spotted....

Tami: Thank you for voting.

Will: For what?

Tami: You'll see.

Takada: I'M NOT SOCKY!!!

Will: Are too.

Socky: Am no- change my name back!

Will: No.

Socky: -strangles Will-

Will: 0.o OKAY!!

Takada: Atta-boy.

Will: -hack- up next is ComaWhite.X... -wheeze-

_Yup yup, congratulations to me!  
Light: It would have gone wrong. As soon as you died and no one wanted to take the manic responsibility of being Kira or God, all hell would break loose, crime levels would fly sky high, and you would be watching from nothingness, slowly going mad. I still pity you, simple drawing. If God doesn't have fans, than he has no supporeters, God would be forgotten, no matter how many peaple he smote. Your Stockholm syndrome is clouding your intelligence._

Light: You don't seem to understand. After so many years of Kira. People will /stop/ committing crimes! The world would've become ideal and peaceful, and finding a replacement would be no problem, I would've had plenty of time to find an ideal successor. So don't try to sway my beliefs, I /know/ I'm right!

Misa: You tell 'em Lighto!!!

Takada: Yeah.

Mikami: Hail God!!

_L: You don't live with them._

L: And I'm glad for that fact.

_Mello: I didn't say that you were a girl, I said that you have feminine features. Now feel my wrath. You may be a vampire in my fiction, but Matt will think you're a girl HAHAHAHAHA!_

Mello: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Fuckingvampirefics OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Matt: Don't worry Mello. I'll think that you're a pretty girl.

Mello: Die, Matt. Just... just die.

_Matsuda: You're welcome!!_

Matsuda: :D

_Will: Please, I'm so lonely, all I have is myself, a selfish cat and a rainbow slinky for company D:_

Will: I feel for you. Dogs are much cooler than cats.

Matt: I wanna see the rainbow slinky!

Near: Me too.

_L: If my brother was smarter and older, you and him would get along. It's waitroses own =D (so very middleclass...)_

Yay for balance!

L: Well if he was smarter and older then I'd love to meet him. :3

_Mello: A whole fucking lot. here, take it. I'm feeling pretty queasy at the moment anyway, I lost alot of blood in the night D:_

Mello: You lost blood? How?

_Matt: Eh, be happy that you have something to keep you occupied. My charger is greek and my mum's using the converter for the toothbrush. I'm all alone!_

Matt: You poor thing. :l

_Light: It is for the greater good?? (Is perfectly well aware that good and bad do not exist, unlike some people...)_

Light: Yeah, it's for the greater good. And good and bad DO exist! Are you insane!?

_Misa, Takada and Will: Yay!! I get to swear lots, yay! Love and obsession are two very different things, Takada. I thought that someone of your...intelect would know that. Oh well, your funerals...pretty much literally :smirk:_

Misa: D: I'm not dead though.

Will: Suicide. :3

Misa: Misa-misa wouldn't do something so stupid.

All: ....

Misa: What?

Takada: And I don't need you to tell me what my relationship is.

_Mikami: Don't you fucking dare. I'm fourteen, I have my whole life ahead of me. I'm smart, healthy(ish) and happy(not all of the time...) If you want to vent anger, please just enjoy the water torture episode._

Mikami: You're evil. Your life would only make others miserable.

_(P.S. I vote for Takada, Misa and Mikami :evil grin:)_

Tami: Excellent.... Up next is Sonar!!

Will: OH GOD NO!!

Tami: I thought you liked her.

Will: I do... but it's so hard to answer all her questions!!

Ide: I'm the one answering most of them...

Will: Typing out the answers then. -grumble grumble-

_Ide  
*is still asleep when Ide finally had to wake her up but it takes her about 3 minutes to wake up since she felt so comfortable sleeping on him* Sorry about that.  
I'm a fan of the color green myself and most of the colors.  
(chuckles about some of the responses he gave last chapter)  
I'm still laughing about the Matsuda hitting on you joke.  
so you proved you are funny.  
Some people find ways to rhyme your name in other stories.  
What do you do for fun besides reading and doing your work?  
I do believe there is more to you than meets the eye.  
I never read "A midsummer's night dream" though I might consider it.  
Has Matsuda ever tried to introduce you to a variety show? I'm sure you find those annoying?  
Most annoying song you ever heard?  
Ever walked into work disorganized or realized that you forgot something? [same question to task force]  
You might kill me for this one but how would you react if I told you that I had a dream of a threesome with you & Matsuda? [I asked this question to Matsuda in chapter 1]  
Stupidest fight you and Matsuda ever had?  
You thoughts on Matsuda shooting Light? [same question to Mogi, Gevanni, Near & Aizawa]  
You look better without eyebrows anyways.  
Why do people assume that you are not a romantic?  
Do you prefer duty over love?  
How hard is it to balance your life? [same question to aizawa and ]  
Matusda yells to Ide that he was no fun and that he was hopless in romance resulting in Sonar throwing a paperweight at matsuda's head.  
I'm sure he won't say that again. [chuckles softly]  
Most strangest dream you had?  
If you were not a police officer, what other career would you have choosen?  
Your reaction to Mikami stabbing himself with a pen?  
Do you think you got a different idea of "fun" from the others?  
Who is more likely to drink more?  
*tries not to fall asleep on Ide again*  
Have you ever been yelled at by anyone? [same question to taskforce]  
Was there ever a time you felt helpless? [same question to taskforce]  
Have you ever been put up to a stupid dare? [same question to task force]  
When you first joined the police force, what were your feelings and how did you handle being in the taskforce?  
Ever had to run an undercover mission only for it to somehow become dangerous?  
ever had a pet? [same question to everyone I asked]  
Augh..I had a question to ask but I forgot it. I'll probably remember it for next chapter. It's almost 4 in the morning here.  
[unforunately falls asleep on him again but he was prepared this time]  
Matsuda: I think she thinks you are a pillow.  
Ide glares at Matsuda as Aizawa finally strangles Matsuda._

Will: -twitch-

Ide: -sucks in long breath- Thanks for the compliments, just so you know I don't mind you constantly falling asleep on me.

Matsuda: Because he /lykes/ you.

Will: Shut up.

Ide: For fun I sometimes go for walks or solve puzzles, but I usually stay at home. No he has not, and it probably would annoy me. The song that never ends. No I haven't.

Matsuda: I have.

Soichiro: Have.

Aizawa: Have.

Ukita: Have.

Mogi: -shakes head-

Ide: I wouldn't care about the threesome it was just a dream. I wouldn't call them fights, just one sided rants from Matsuda, which are all equally stupid, I believe shooting Light was neccessary to save Near, but he went overboard.

Near: I agree, the rest wasn't neccessary since Ryuk was going to kill him anyways.

Mogi: ....

Aizawa: I think it was violent, and it's not something I think had to happen.

Ide: Because I'm not a romantic, I prefer duty, it's hard for everyone to balance their lives.

Soichiro: Yes, especially with a family.

Aizawa: -nodnod-

Ide: I don't dream often, I would've worked in some form of government job, it was disturbing, possibly, most likely Matsuda, I have been yelled at.

Task Force: Us too.

Ide: Yes I've felt helpless.

Task Force: Us too... again.

Ide: And no I haven't. But I have had a pet cat.

Will: Next section!

_Gevanni  
Yes, you are cute.  
How would you react to MatsudaxGevanni pairing?  
Any regrets?_

Gevanni: :3 Yes I am. And... ew... I don't even know him.

Matsuda: Weird.

Gevanni: I don't see why I would regret anything. Maybe that we didn't catch Light sooner.

_Ukita  
I'm scared of small spiders but big ones don't scare me. Weird isn't it? I'm also scared of lightning and heights.  
I actually had a few dreams about you but only 3.  
_

Ukita: Neat. And I'm just glad to be included. :3

_Matt  
You're always loved.  
_

Matt: Aw, thanks.

_Matsuda  
Sorry about hitting you with the paperweight but unforunately, you pick on Ide too much.  
*messes up his hair and gives him an icepack*  
I would so date Ide even if there was an age difference.  
Do you tend to be over emotional?  
When you first joined the task force, did you do something that got you in trouble in the first week?  
Is it true that you once bleached a police officer's uniform?  
Funniest thing you ever done?  
By the way, there is fanart posted of you making out with L and some with Ide.  
Why do you think people misunderstand you so much? First impressions are not everything. It's what happens after that counts.  
I'm not sure if this was asked but why do people assume you are a pedophile?  
_

Matsuda: -takes Icepack- Thanks violent lady. :3 And... eh... well... that's one person who would. Congrats Ide.

Ide: -sigh-

Matsuda: I'm not over emotional!! D: And.. no. I was pretty good my first few weeks.

Ide: It was when he got comfortable that he became annoying.

Matsuda: Shut up Ide. And it was an accident!!! D: The funniest thing I've ever done... I thought my impression of Peewee Herman was funny...

Aizawa: It wasn't.

Matsuda: Uh... weird. And I don't know why, people are just like that I guess. And they do? Weird. I didn't know that.

_Misa  
Looking back, do you think your romance with Light was more like romeo and Juliet?_

Misa: No. Romeo and Juliet were kept appart by their families. We were kept appart by Lighto's job and.. /her/. -glares at Takada-

Takada: Shut up bitch.

Tami: Before yet another fight breaks out, here's angellovedark.

Hi  
_L: I wanted to ask how do you feel about Beyond/L pairing?_

L: Eh.... weird. That's all I can say on it.

_Matt & Mello: Mello you're so totally badass but I can't help but love Matt more and Matt will you marry me? I promise you'll never run out new video games ever and Mello can visit sometimes._

Matt: Hear that Mels? You're privillaged with visitation rights.

Mello: He's mine bitch.

Matt: I am?

Near: So Mello really is gay. I knew it.

Mello: 0.o SHUT UP! I meant I need him for espinage and shit. He's my lacky!!

Near: He never really did his work until the very end. You kept him around because you like him.

Matt: Everyone likes me. :3

Near: But Mello wanted to rape you.

Matt: 0.o

Mello: DID NOT!!!

Will: ... Weird. Just.... weird.

_Near: I can't really see you in a relationship with anyone because I see you as an eight year old kid do you get that a lot?_

Near: Yes I do. Any more theories on my age? I'm an adult.

Will: Technically. You're still more kiddy though.

_Mimki: You're really hot and if you weren't completely crazy with bad attitude my alternate personality would totally marry you and have you had a relationship with anyone? and if so who?_

Mikami: I'm assuming you're talking to me. And it's none of your business.

Will: Damn you answer the question!

Mikami: ...

Will: -sigh-

_Light: I was so with you in the beginning and kind of still hoping for you in the end but after a while I realize your a jerk *Steals Tami's age note and turn Light in to a six year old* see now your cute and no one will slap you anymore hopefully.  
Tami: I vote for Socky because she kind of a bitch._

Light: 0_o I don't want to be the youngest!! D:

Will: You told me you didn't have one of those! D:

Tami: I didn't want to make you eighteen. -takes Age Note back and turns Light back to normal-

Will: You bitch. Up next is the reason you miss me.

Tami: I don't miss you though.

Will: Hah. ... Hah.

_can i ask questions? i can? YAY  
My name is Amber. Hi. My best friends Roni and Marco will be helping.  
okai~ First off Light-lamp, i think your original perspective of "Kira's" objective was fantastic.  
Roni: Amber.  
Amber: Yes Roni-chan?  
Roni: where the hell did you learn those big words? Marco:...she cheated!! xD  
Amber: Did not. you stole my the smartest...  
anyway Lightlamp i dont hate you or love you so...you get a hug..i guess from me and my friend tatti ehoo says your hot._

Light: -twitch-

_Hi misa! omgz Light and you are the perfect couple. Anyway how do you think life would be without ever meeting Lightlamp? And WHERE DO YOU GET YOUR GOTHIC LOLITA CLOTHES?! THEY ROCK_

Misa: My life would be empty withouth Light! I wouldn't be able to live! And I get my clothes custum from the studio. :3

_MELLO!!  
Roni:no you may not rape Mello. Its Matt's job  
Marco: i dont support raping the guys..im not gay...  
Me: I ws not going to Rape Mello...YET! no jk. anyway Mello is my favorite character you are very intelligent and hot and awesome and hot and your hair rocks (which does not look like a girl's)  
Roni: Does so.  
Amber: well in the japanese version Near is voiced by a girl. how do you like them Apples.(Ryukie you get a basket full!)  
Marco:the cheating thing...  
Amber: OH YEAH! Mello, i belive that every thing Near did...HE CHEATED. Yes you were the smart one. Near himself admitted he was a moron.  
Roni: IS NOT_

Mello: Yeah, I am awesome. Heheh. You admitted you were a moron? -pokes Near-

Near: I dont' remember ever saying that. I merely said that alone I couldn't surpass L.

_Marco...moving on...to MATT! so Mat-  
Amber: Oh and Mello if you want to be friends i would like that alot^.^ i will always say you are better than Near and gives you lots o chocolate (btw heres alot)_

Mello: Heheheh. These guys are smart. They know I'm number one of us.

Near: I doubt they can even count to number one. They have poor grammar and can't even spell 'a lot'.

Will: Near I'm going to kill you.

_Marco:SO MATTEH SINCE YOUR TOO ABSORBED IN YOUR GAME,ILL JUST SAY YOU ROCK MELLO IF YOU EVER FIND OUT WHAT HIS FAV GAME IS TELL ME THE GIRLS THINK YOU ARE SEXY AND WE ARE MOVING ON.  
Roni: geez Marco...  
_

Matt: -grunts and continues playing game-

_Amber: Matsu-kun you rock. *hugs*  
Marco: then were done?  
Roni and Amber:NO_

Matsuda: :3

_Amber: Mikami!!DELETE!!xD  
Roni: hes so weird...  
Amber:Mikami Roni could be your twin sister. no kidding.  
Roni:Would not  
Amber:..and remember when you wrote "i was like god"?  
Roni:THAT WAS SEVEN YEARS AGO_

Mikami: ..... Okay then.

_Amber: Near, personally i dont have anything against you but i love Mello so ic could care less :D  
Roni: *goes into dramatic Near-fangirl mode*obnoghoiHGOIRWHORWO  
Marco:...okay then...well we wanna knw how come you love toys so much nd why your always wear pagamas!  
_

Near: Playing with toys helps me to concentrate, and I wear pyjamas because they're comfortable. It'd be kind of difficult to sit the way that I do in leather pants like Mello's.

Mello: He has no fashion sense.

Near: Keep telling yourself that gayboy.

Mello: -forcing himself not to murder Near-

_Amber:uh Ron-Ron aint fixed yet so..SOCKY!!i hate you go die.  
Marco: Agreed.  
Amber: so does Roni.  
_

Takada: Well I'm not fond of you three either.

_L we did not forget you. we wanted to save best for last (the best we could agree on..)you rock. Your name is pretty. i would say it but i dont want socky-the-slut-that-we-all-hope-dies-of-suffication-from-Matt's-sock or the cool Kiras to get ideas.  
Amber:i LOVE the percent thing. its did you sleep wiht Lightlamp handcuffed to you? or Shower? or use the bathroom? I walk like you sometimes sit like you and have my thumb always in my mouth!^.^  
Marco:which creeped me out today in S.S.!!  
Amber: SOORRY!  
All: SWEETS!_

L: :3 Thank you. I was never very fond of my real name though.

Near: His percentages are all bullshit he makes up to get people to agree with him.

L: Shh. Near-kun does it too. And the chain was a body length long. The bathrooms had stalls, so we'd just use seperate ones, and we'd wait in the bathroom while the other showered. As for sleeping arrangements, I would sit in a chair and wait while Light slept.

_Roni: Hi! did we forget anyone?  
Amber: THE SHINGAMI  
Roni: I could care less...  
Amber&Marco:Ryuk you rock we are gonna play some linkin park and some guns n roses for ya.  
Roni:You dont even do that for ME  
Amber:you never come to my house  
Roni: and Marco has??!_

Ryuk: Hehehe, these humans are so amusing. I might start haunting them after this...

_Amber&Marco: HELL NO! anyway Rem, your the best Shingami so cool. And the Gelus guy was awesome too.  
Roni:be thankful miss amane. your little cosplayer over there supports the shingami who fell in love with ya.  
_

Rem: Thank you.

Jealous: :3

Misa: :p

_Amber: just because i dress like her does not make me a though cosplaying Sidoh i dont know who you are...WHERE THE HELL ARE BB AND WATARI?_

Watari: I've been here the whole time.

BB: I'm here, but I can't answer questions.

Tami: Will never read the book, he wouldn't be comfortable answering questions about a character he knows nothing of.

_Amber: and Tami is the best thing-y-gami ever._

Tami: Yes I am.

Will: She's the only one. -__-

_we vote for Socky,Soichiro, and Human Takda. She gets twice the torture. Keep updating Will! Ill be happy!  
Amber:BUT IF YOU DON-  
Roni&Marco: AMBER!  
Amber:Sorry. Anyay to all:  
what is your favorite song?  
Marco:wELCOME TO THE JUNGLE  
Roni: not you idiot...  
Amber: JA NE! ANSWER PLEAESe_

Will: We won't answer that because we're lazy.

Matt: Play.

Mello: Shut up.

Near: Toy Soldiers.

L: I want candy.

Misa: Caramelldansen.

Will: Ugh.

Light: Getting away with Murder.

Takada: Girlfriend.

Mikami: I'm bringing sexy back.

All: 0.o....

Will: Okay moving on. Next is EspeonAngel!

_I never thought I'd actually do this but, oh well :)_

Will: This is fucking hilarious! I love it! (sorry for swearing)

Will: Heh, it is pretty hillarious, isn't it.

_Mello: I never really understood what people meant when they said you look like a girl. You sound like a guy, you look like a guy...in my book, you're a guy. And an awesome kick ass one at that...What's your favorite type of chocolate? What's your favorite movie?  
_

Mello: Thank you. It's good to see someone with sense. I don't watch many movies and my favorite type of chocolate is dark.

Matt: Yuck.

Mello: Shut up.

_Matt: I actually unserstand what you mean when you call Will a Zigzagoon, and, personally, I'm relieved to think that someone other than me thinks they look like raccoons! In the game, it says they're dog type. By the way, you're awesome. Which one is your favorite pokemon? And who would you dress up as for Holloween?_

Matt: :3 I think they changed it to a Tiny Raccoon type recently. My favorite pokemon...? Hmm... Ariados. I dont' know why, but he was always awaesome. I also like Girantina though. And I'd dress up as... hm... Jason.

_Near: Though a lot of people feel bad for Mello, I actually feel bad for you! I kind of get sick of it because a lot of people say "Either you're for Mello and against Near, or against him and for Near!" Which, I don't really get. Sure, at first I used to hate you (please forgive me, I was stupid last year T.T) and now I have NO idead how I could hate someone like you! What's your favorite animal? P.S.: I loved it when you called Takada stupid X)..._

Near: That's okay, I'm used to people hating me. My favorite animal is probably a rat-

Mello: He must feel a certain kinship. Heh.

Near: And thanks, I enjoyed calling her stupid. :3

Takada: Brat.

_L: I'm so glad you're alive again, L! I'm such a horrible person T.T! First, I saw you die in the episode (I actually ran out of tears). Then, I saw you die in the manga (I got tears on the page and I'm currently drying them). THEN, I WROTE about your death, in which I cried, AGAIN T.T. I'm so lucky this wasn't all in the same day. But, anyways, rejoice! The greatest detective of the century is now alive! AGAIN! Did you purposefully not choose between Near and Mello? Why did you never consider Matt? I always thought that you purposefully didn't choose between them because you knew that Mello, never wanting to work with Near, would work on his own and Mello and Near would be in some sort of race to see who could get to Kira faster, causing them to work harder. And so, you knew that ONE of them would get to Light. Am I giving you too much credit -.-'...? And did you know Misa was probably the first person other than Wammy who knew your real name?  
^.^ Here's a cake. /Gives L cake./_

L: -munches on cake- Actually my parents were the first ones to know my real name. And I don't see how you're a horrible person, you seem very pleasant to me. And I'm not supposed to reveal whether or not your theory is correct.

_Light: At first, I respected you. Then I hated you. Simple as that. Personally, I don't think you could have been all that smart if you thought that you could "cleanse" the world of evil. Evil will always exist as long as good exists. They're two sides of the same coin. Have you ever heard of the movie Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street? You'd probably like it. He reminds me of you and the rest of the characters reminds me of everyone else A LOT. Except I actually LIKED Sweeney Todd, no matter how crazy and psychotic and bizzar he is :). By the way, did you know your last name spelled backwards is "I'm a gay?"_

Light: -sigh- Why does everone always bring up the I'm a gay bit? Lame. Believe what you want. But I HAD become god, and crime rates were down worldwide to a point where they were almost non-existant. Near made a mistake stopping me.

Near: Tch. Whatever.

Mello: D: Hey! Give me some credit too you bastard!

Near: Mello did well.

Mello: Not you!

_Misa: Personally, you were one of my favorites. You were awesome and sweet and funny :)! If you hadn't have met Light, but everything else was still the same (you were the second Kira, met the task force, and everything) who do you think you would have fallen for? P.S.: You're WAY better than Socky-bitch :)._

Misa: No one. Light is with out a doubt my one true love.

Light: Heh.

Will: He's just using you!!!

_Socky: I hate you._

Takada: Same to you bitch.

_Tami: I have gained much respect for you, especially with the Water Torture Show X). Can you turn Socky back into a furrett (they're so cute =3)_

Tami: Anything for a fan. -Turns Socky into a ferret again-

Takada: -long string of curse words-

_Ryuk: Have you ever tried Gala Apples? They're the sweetest and juciest apples I have ever tasted them :).  
_

Ryuk: LIGHT!! GET ME THOSE APPLES!!!

Light: -sigh-

_Matsuda: You are not naive, you're comic relief! Who would you say is your favorite from Death Note (can't be you or Soichiro)?  
_

Matsuda: It /was/ Light... 'til I found out he was Kira.... :l

_Soichiro: Not to sound disrespecting or anything, but I thought you were a fool to not consider that Light was Kira just because he was your son. If I was in your place, my son would have been the FIRST I would have suspected, and I would have even told L that. You were also a fool to not believe L. Why didn't you accept the fact that Light was Kira, or at least thought about it?_

Soichiro: Because he was my son. You'd understand if you were a parent. I raised him to believe in /justice/, not Kira's ideals.

_Aizawa: I don't know why everyone says you're mean. You're not mean! You're funny :)! Did you ever think of L as more than just "L" (not romantic-wise)?_

Aizawa: Well, he's a person just like everyone else. I'm not that fond of him though.

_Ide: You seriously have never had a girlfriend? You must have at least gone on a date before, right?_

Ide: ..........

Matsuda: Hah. That's a no.

_I vote for:  
1) Takada  
2)Light  
3)Matsuda (I'm sorry Matsui, but it would be so funny to watch that T.T! And there's NO WAY I'd choose L, Mello, Matt or Near!)_

Matsuda: D:

Will: No one seems to like getting voted for... Next up is Android 24.

_Hi there! I'm back! (doom music plays)_

All: -screaming in horror-

_Tami: I vote for Mello, Near and Takeda...cuz they're all whiny and annoying._

Tami: Okays.

Mello: D: Someone voted... for /me/!?

Near: Hurts, doesn't it.

_Mello: I am shocked you don't have diabetes with all the chocolate you eat...I'm not gonna bug L about it cuz he's cute with his sweets...in fact he is...(thinks) 100 percent better then you are at holding candy and looking cute.  
_

Mello: .... I don't like this person.

_L: Will you go on a date with me? I have candy...i just know starwberry shortcake is your fave! (shows)_

L: :D

Watari: -gives L strawberry cake- Must protect him from peophiles with candy...

Near: He's twenty five.

Watari: So?

_Light: (shows him her Deathnote) One wrong move against L and "makes stagling sounds as she draws her finger across her throat" you get it.  
_

Light: That's one of those fake notebooks you get at the mall. Will has one too.

Will: Tee-hee.

_Near: I'm sorry to say bud, but...you're never gonna be like L as much as you wanna be...but you are kinda cute but L owns you in that department._

Near: -shrug- That's one person's opinion. But I caught Kira when he couldn't.

Mello: With help.

Near: So?

_Matt: You're smexy...perhaps you should work out a bit though...might get every girl after you...i mean you got the look down now you just need to get the body down...not that you aren't already hot but just a thought...HEY! I just rymed! (dances)_

Matt: Meh, I have plenty of fangirls, I don't /need/ to work out.

_Will: A good job so far, keep it up! (higsfives)_

Will: -highfives- ... -paw broken- CURSE MY TINY STATURE!!!!

Tami: And now it's time to tally up the votes.

Will: The pain....

Tami: First off I need to explain that originally we had a three way tie for winners. So I ordered three funnels, water bladdars, and hosses, as well as the tables to tie them down. More votes came in after the order was placed and now we have two extras. So we're going to have the top three being tortured instead of just number one. Okay? Okay.

Mello: Just announche the winnders!

Tami: No. Tied for fifth place is Mello, Mikami, Demegawa, Soichiro, and Matsuda. Their consolation prize is a gift basket. -hands out-.

Losers: YAY!

Tami: In fourth place is Misa, her consolation prize is a blindfold so she doesn't have to watch the torture. -hands over blindfold-

Misa: Why wouldn't I want to?

Tami: In third place with three votes is Near, so he's going to be getting tortured in our next chapter.

Near: .... Shit.

Mello: DREAMS DO COME TRUE!!

Light: YES!

Mikami: AWESOME!

Matsuda: HURRAY!

Misa: Light's happy so I'm happy!

Takada: SWEET! I hate that kid.

Tami: Wow.... Next up is Light with four votes.

Misa: So that's why I'll need the blindfold...

Light: You people are insane! The votes were rigged!!

Tami: No, you're just unpopular. Next up SOCKY!!! With a whopping SEVEN votes!!

Takada: 0.o

Tami: That's right. You're unloved. Remember not to ask these guys any questions, it'd be annoying to have to pause the torture for them. Though you can do mean things to them while they're being tortured.


	5. Paperweights and Pokemon

Disclaimer: Death Note belongs to those it belongs to and I'm just the guy who loves it.

Will: I'm back, faster this time. Heh. Heheh.

Tami: And it's the chapter for WATER CURE TORTURE.

Will: I never approved of this by the way.

Tami: Too bad.

Will: -sigh-

Takada: You can't do this! It's inhumane!

Tami: You're absolutely right.

Takada: ... I am....

Tami: It'd be horrible to do water cure torture on a ferret.

Matt: Socky.. No! -crying-

Tami: So... -turns Takada back into a human- there. We can start.

Near: -sigh- It's too bad these chapters keep getting longer, I'm not looking forward to being tortured simply because a few immature fans and one insane one decided they didn't like me.

Mello: I'm pretty pleased about it. Especially since Tami's going to be the one letting me control how much water goes into your stomach.

Near: ....

Mello: Heheheheheh. I'm going to keep pumping water into your stomach 'til it pops. -insane laughter-

Ryuk: Wow, even I'm a little creeped out by that.

Tami: Yeah...

Light: Ryuk! Help me.

Ryuk: .... Why?

Light: I'll give you an apple.

Ryuk: :D

Tami: I'll give you my Gardner's Note if you don't.

Ryuk: Wha...?

Tami: Just write the name of the plant you want and it'll grow. You'll have all the apples you want.

Ryuk: -dies happy-

Light: Damnit.

Near: Get over it, it's just one episode.

Mello: That you'll likely not live through. -continued insane laughter-

Tami: Enough chatter, someone strap them to the tables.

Mello: -already getting Near set up-

Near: -sigh- This sucks.

Mello: Heheheh. Like an over filled water bed....

Near: I'm not a water bed.

Matt: -cries and straps Socky to the table- I'm so sorry.

Takada: I'f you're really sorry you won't do this.

Matt: I'm not that sorry. Maybe this'll help you learn that Surf move. :D

L: -already has Light strapped down- Done.

Will: .... Wow. This is disturbing. Uhm... While they get set up... we'll answer the first questions. Up first is master holykira. Or Blake.

_blake here  
light: what i don't get is y u had to chose to kill people? r u stupid or somethin?_

Light: Don't put the funnel in yet! I HAVE TO ANSWER THIS!!! D:

Tami: Five seconds.

Light: I'm not stupid, in fact, I'm very smart. I'm a top ranked high school and college student, killing people was necessary to stop crime in the world, I had to become god, I-

Tami: Times up. -shoves funnel in his mouth and sets up tube, turning on the water-

Light: -flail-

Tami: Just be glad we aren't doing this with urine like I wanted. The elephants all got bladder infections.

Takada: -faints and drowns-

Tami: -sigh- I'm going to have to keep bringing her back to life, aren't I? -Writes Takada's name in Life Note-

_l: (hands over strawberries) my sister got them_

L: Tell her thanks then. :3 -munches on strawberries-

_misa: nothing for u but i think light wants u (points to a tree)_

Misa: ... Why is he pointing to a tree? Light's over there getting a drink. :D

_socky: hey socky, want to see death again (pulls out gun)_

Takada: -staring fearfully at gun while trying to drink all the water without drowning again-

_mello: where did u get ur gun? me likey gun but my sister put them somewhere (damn her)  
bye all_

Mello: -distracted with torturing Near- Eheheheheheheheh......

Will: MELLO!

Mello: What?

Will: Answer the damn question.

Mello: Oh, it was a perk of the Mafia. -turns up the water pressure- Don't drown Near. :D

Near: -plotting revenge-

_oh and watch out for the zack and me thing_

Will: The sweet life of Zack and Cody?

Tami: Suite Life. And I'm sure that's not what he was talking about. Next up is jackattack555.

_This fic is one of the funniest I've seen in a while!_

Will: Funny...? We're filling people's stomachs up like balloons! Be horrified!!! I may have to up the rating...

_Mikami: Sexy Back is my favorite song too! Cool! But my question for you is...why do you always say "Delete" when you kill someone? Are you a computer nerd?_

Mikami: :3 Awesome. But no, I'm not a computer nerd. I just believe that evil people should be deleted like useless files.

Tami: Nerd.

Will: Heheh. Nerd.

_Near: To add to your torture, Tami and Will shall put in vinegar with water down the funnel! Maybe that will teach you to never do that creepy smile from episode 36 again!_

Near: -attempts to sigh but ends up choking on the water and drowning-

Mello: AWESOME!!!

Tami: Awesome. -brings Near back to life and gets vinegar-

Will: This is sad. -puts it in Near's water supply-

Mello: -evil laughter- Jackattack555 is my new hero.

_Lightbulb: To fulfill your nickname, you shall be electrocuted while you're going through the water torture! That's right, water conducts electricity!  
_

Tami: Heheheh. I'm loving this. -hooks wires up to Light and runs electricity through him-

Light: -spasm, twitch, pees self-

Misa: Ewww....

_Matt: You have a cool voice. Because I like you, I shall let you enter the world of Pokemon! You can do whatever you want there!  
_

Matt: -jumping up and down- HOLY SHIT YES!! I'm going to use my cheats to get Mew! FUCK YEAH!! -disappears-

Will: Wait! We need him to answer questions!!! D:

_Mello: (holds up a chocolate bar on a string over a crowd of fangirls) Go get it!_

Mello: -looks up- Haven't had chocolate for a whole... episode.... -dives for it-

_Demegawa: You are the most annoying of all Death Note characters. Therefore, I want Tami to write your name in any of her "bad" Notes (Humiliation note, Death note, Sick note, etc.)_

Demegawa: Hah! Tragedy will only improve my ratings!!!

Tami: Well your viewers will love this. You now have AIDS, Prostate Cancer, and the Chicken Pocks.

Demegawa: D: .... Ratings? -scratches self-

Will: ... Puddingcup is back again!

_Unfortunately, i was running out of time so i skipped a lot that was in here :D  
damn! near! -steals Near- you can't hurt him! He looks like a child!  
Near- but i'm not-  
Rachel (me): sh! maybe they won't hurt you if they think you're a child  
Near- you're insane...  
Rachel: i know!  
okay so...  
Questions/ whatever we were talking about._

Will: :D Yay, save the annoying one!

Tami: No. -takes Near back- I'm enjoying myself.

Mello: -escapes from hoard of fangirls with chocolate bar- HAH! -eats-

_To Will & Tami: well, i guess Socky's gonna die anyway due to the water torture..._

Tami: Yeah, probably. All of their stomachs should be fit to burst here any minute.

Will: You should probably make them throw it up then.

Mello: No way. I want Near's stomach to explode! Near, stop looking at me like you think I just said something stupid!!

L: He probably wants to say something like... 'Mello can't see my stomach explode, unless he were to cut me open to watch'.

Mello: Oh. Thanks for that Near. -pulls out scalpel- Heheheheh....

Near: 0_o

_To L: you should feel very loved :D -gives L a kiss- you're the most awesome person EVER! -hands L more cake-_

L: :D Wow. Thanks. -eats cake happily- ^w^

_To Mello: here's that chocolate bar i promised! -hands Mello a chocolate bar-_

Mello: -glances away from torture second for a moment to snatch chocolate bar- Yesss... precious.... no one shall take her away from us... -eats chocolate-

_To Matt: I'm sorry, Matt... fanfiction must have messed it up, curse them... jk! they have my stories up so i can't curse them. I think i gave you a bunch of video games... ... :D_

Matt: -back with a Mew and a Rhydon and 'pokemon champion award'- Sweet! :D Thanks puddin' -hugs and takes games-

Will: Great he's back.

Matt: And Mello, I got you a Poke'mon too. -gives Mello a poke'ball-

Mello: Matt, unless this poke'mon craps chocolate I won't like it. -releases poke'mon-

Stunky: ..... :D

Mello: ..... What the -censored-?

Matt: I read somewhere that you liked skunks. :D

Mello: ....

_To Light, even though he's being tortured: you hurt my feelings! you called me a bitch and you killed L... -slaps Light- i hope you enjoy your death  
wow... i'm feeling really mean right now... D:_

Light: -attempts to yell at Puddingcup but chokes-

Will: Heheheheheheh. 't'swatcha get bitch.

_To Misa: come on, it's not that hard to understand... oh well... just go have fun with that gift card._

Misa: Thanks. :D -runs off-

To L and Matsuda: OMG SO CUTE! chibi squee again please? -ruffles their hair again-

Matsuda/L: ^w^ -chibi squee-

_To Mikami: i know what you mean... i like my glasses too but you still look cute without them! lol my glasses kinda look like yours!_

Mikami: Interesting. Where did you buy them?

Will: NO!!! They're going to discuss eye-wear!!! D:

Matt: Cool.

Will: Eye-wear that isn't goggles!! D:

Matt: AHHHHHH!!!! DDDDD:

_Takada: henh, you're funny when you twitch._

Takada: -twitch, choke, cough, sputter-

_To Halle: i beg to differ... if a man lives in your bathroom, it's a very good chance you two are together._

Halle: :l He stayed in my bathroom because it was the only area of my apartment Near didn't put up surveillance in.

_To Rester: well then i'm sorry for getting your name wrong! :D_

Rester: No problem, I'm just glad to be noticed...

_To the Japanese task force: who steals a bunch of air fresheners for the car? they must have had some serious problems._

Aizawa: They did. They were stealing the air fresheners to hide the scent of dead bodies_._

_To L: Near stole chocolate? i'm surprised... well here's more sweets anyway -hands L candy-_

L: :3 Yes, apparently he'd wanted to imitate me, resulting in a rather unfortunate sugar high.

Matt: He ended up freaking out about the evil tree leprechauns with the funny hats right?

Mello: Heh.

_OMG you're so cute, L! -gives L another kiss on the cheek-_

L: -squee- X3

_Hey, is Beyond there?  
To Beyond: You're so cool!! except, i don't agree with killing, but they were going to die anyway, right? anyway, you're so cute! you're my second favorite character in the Death Note Realm, beaten only by L :D  
Are your eyes Red or Black? everyone keeps saying something different..._

Beyond: I'm far superior to L.

Will: SHUT UP!! I can't do your character!!! I can hardly handle everyone else!!!

Beyond: And my eyes are black, Shinigamis eyes can't be seen by humans.

Will: WHAT DID I JUST SAY!!!?!?!!

_I hope Watari is there too because i wanna talk to him as well!  
To Watari: You're such a cool guy! i know L came to Whammy's house at 8, but did you meet him before then?_

Watari: Yes, I was a friend of his parents'. So I'd known him up until their deaths.

Will: And after that you didn't know him?

Watari: No, I knew him after then too.

Will: But you said that you knew him 'up until their deaths'.

Watari: .... -gives L ice cream-

L: :3

_Bye everyone!  
Die, Socky, die...  
Poor Near!! -hugs Near, or tries to anyway-  
Light should die too... but i hate Takada more right now... -looks at L- now i hate you more DIE LIGHT!_

Takada: -dies but is quickly brought back-

Mello: -stops puddingcup from hugging Near-

Everyone(who can speak): Bye!

Tami: Okay, remove the funnels so we can make these guys throw up!

Mello: D: But his stomach hasn't popped yet.

Tami: But you get to punch him in the gut.

Mello: -laughs evily-

Will: While they do that, more questions! Welcome to the set enchantedpotter101!!

_Ok, here are my questions and random rants. Hope you don't mind. I'll say it again. I love this story!_

Firstly, Near: I LOVE you SO much! You are my favourite character ever, I realised that the moment I saw you, you're so cute and huggable *hugs Near until he practically dies of suffocation* I don't want to you to be tortured *sniff* And by the way, I'll agree that you do look young for your age, but you don't look like a child.

Will: I'm sure he'll be glad to hear that after he finishes getting pummled. :3

-Sounds of three consecutive beatings going on in the background-

Will: Please ignore that. I don't want to up my rating to M.

_Secondly, Mello: You are awesome! We had secret santas at school this week and I got chocolate everyday! Sorry, just wanted to rub it in. Anyway, so are you some kind of creeper? Why do you keep making girls strip and sneaking into their bathrooms? Just wondering._

Mello: -watches Near throw up water, vinegar, and bile- Heh. Gross.

Near: F-fuck you Mello.

Mello: You aren't supposed to talk this episode, shut up.

Tami: Answer the questions.

Mello: Huh? Oh. Well I got one less than a billion chocolate bars last episode, so your secret santaness means NOTHING. And it was mentioned earlier why I had to hide in Linder's bathroom.

Halle: YEAH.

Mello: And as for making Takada strip. She's hot?

Will: -kicks-

Mello: Ow. It was a joke. I had to get rid of any trackers that might've been on her clothes.

Matt: That's always your excuse.

Mello: -pulls out gun-

Matt: Eep! -hides behind Rhydon- Protect me Needles!

_L: I wish you hadn't died *sob* You're so sweet and cute *hugs* Erm...what's your favourite type of candy? Are you diabetic? Do you brush your teeth? Is L really your real name?_

L: -hugs- I wish I hadn't died either. Favorite /candy/ would have to be lollipops, and I'm not diabetic.

Matt: Yet. Heh.

L: Yet. Right Matt. I don't brush my teeth. The amount of apples I eat keeps them clean and plaque free. And thinking uses up the energy taken to produce plaque, so I'm covered.

Will: That's all bull by the way. I've seen him brush his teeth.

L: :l Anyways, I can't reveal anything concerning my true name.

_Light: Ok, I'm just going to say it - Light you are an evil, psychotic, idiotic maniac. Killing is evil. I especially hated you when you tried to kill my Near about a hundred times in the last episode. DON'T EVER TOUCH HIM AGAIN! And for killing L, and for being responsible for Mello's death. Yes! I blame YOU for killing him!_

Light: -being hooked back up to the Water Cure Torture Table, unable to respond-

_Matsuda: You're funny and cute :) You need to date Sayu._

Matsuda: Yes I do.

Soichiro: Grrr....

Matsuda: No I don't.

_Misa: You're a dumb idiot. Sorry, I have to be honest._

Misa: Well that's just rude. -glares-

_Hey Takada. I Love ferrets. I actually have two, they say hi. So, I think I'm your biggest fan at the moment._

Takada: -once again getting tortured, unable to respond-

Matt: Hey Socky, meet Needles and Link! They're our new teammates! -points to Rhydon and Mew respectively-

_Ok, bye everyone._

Everyone (who can speak): Bye!

Will: Wow, everyone's so polite today. :3 Skyhe's back for another round of questions! Welcome back!

_*Glowers at Near* you deserve water torture so much… Also *cough-bitch-cough* you should know that while albinos CAN have pale blue eyes, red eyes, and purple eyes, they CANNOT have black eyes like you. An albino, who lacks pigment in his/her eyes, cannot have all BLACK eyes. (As the dark, black color would be caused by PIGMENT. :P) My question is, (to everyone who's not being tortured) why do you think Near's lying about being albino? If he actually did have some rare case of albinism with black eyes he would have just said it outright, so the only explanation is that he's lying to hide a secret. (Oh, and if possible, try to make up the most embarrassing explanation you can think of ^.^ *angry at Near for calling her stupid*)_

Matt: Mind telling Near he got served this time? Oh, and I totally get the videogame thing, I couldn't choose either… although right now I'm only playing the kick-ass game Sam & Max on my Wii, ever heard of it? If not here's a copy *hands over a Wii and Sam & Max*

Matt: -Pokes Near- Psst. You got served. :3 And I've heard of it but never gotten to play. Thanks! :D -runs off-

Tami: -sigh- Unfortunately Near can't respond to your words in person, but he bribed me- I mean out of the kindness of my heart I let him write down a response to your rebuttal before the show began, so here we go.

Near'sNote: I'd like to point out that my eyes are grey, not black. Get it right. And albino's can have grey eyes, contrary to the somewhat lacking article you most likely read on wikipedia. My condition isn't a rare case of albinism at all, in fact, a boy in Will's high school is an albino with grey eyes. Also, here's a bit of information on albino iris colors:

**Iris color is usually blue/gray or light brown. It is a common notion that people with albinism must have red eyes, but in fact the color of the iris varies from a dull gray to blue to brown. (A brown iris is common in ethnic groups with darker pigmentation.) Under certain lighting conditions, there is a reddish or violet hue reflected through the iris, which has very little pigment. This reddish reflection comes from the ****retina****, which is the surface lining the inside of the eye. This reddish reflection is similar to that which occurs when a flash photograph is taken of a person looking directly at the camera, and the eyes appear red. With some types of albinism the red color can reflect back through the iris as well as through the pupil.** (Clip from all about albinos and albinism, do not own. Look it up if you want.)

And for your information I /did/ explain outright that my case was albinism with grey eyes, or did you completely skip that part?

-Near

Tami: And there you have it.

Mello: ... -adds more vinegar to Near's water- I for one think he's lying. He's probably really an old man. Hah.

Matsuda: I think he's lying too! He probably bleaches his hair to get fangirls!

Will: We can all see how well that worked, tons of people voted for him.

Rodger: That or he has black hair and turns it white in an attempt to appear less like an L copycat.

Mew: Mew Mee me-ew Mew-me-Mew.

Matt: Heh, good one Link.

Will: Yeah, that's probably it.

_Mello: I agree with a lot of other reviewers - just ignore all the people who say you look like a girl. You're way badass, and anyone who says you do is just jealous of your awesomeness. *hands over dark chocolate* (my favorite too :d) Besides chocolate though, is there any other candy you like?_

Mello: :3 Yes, I have some very smart fans. -eats chocolate- And no. I don't like any other candies. At least none I can name right off the bat.

_L: Man, I cracked up when I heard your response… it's just what I expected though – every time I think of you and Raito being chained together, I get this priceless mental image of you bending over an oblivious sleeping Raito with this creepy smile on your face… XD Oh, and why don't you like your name?  
_

L: I dont' like my name? Weird.

_MATSUDA! *glomps* I'm so sorry I forgot you in my other review, I totally blanked on you (and Mikami too, actually…). You were an awesome character, the only person who really seemed to stay hopeful and cheerful all through the Kira case (till the end anyway.. :/) and you always made me smile :D (There was Misa, but her peppy-ness only served to make me cringe and hope she'd be out of the scene soon.) I'd give you something, but I don't know what you like… so as my question, what exactly do you like? (food, clothes, ect)_

Matsuda: XD It's okay. And hm... what I like. I like hanging out and partying? But I don't really have specific obsessions like everyone else here...

Will: SILENCE YOU BUFFOON!!!

Matsuda: :l Sorry.

Will: SILENCE!!

Mikami: You're so cute XD But take out the contacts – half the reason you look so hot is 'cause of the glasses. Also, a repeat of the L question – do you think Raito's sexy?

_And I agree Raito – I don't get it when people bring up the 'Imagay' thing. In kanji it means 'night' and 'god' which (I'm just assuming here) is probably supposed to be symbolic... :/ This is just the way some random people decided it would be spelled in English – if they had decided to write it 'Yagame' or something like that it really wouldn't have made a difference. (Besides sparing us all from some very bad puns) And… I'm so sorry you ended up being tortured. *weeps*_

Will: I'm not. Light is evil.

Mello: Yeah, he so deserves this.

_Finally, Will, I have a question… how much does everyone know about what happened after they died? (Does L, for example, know how Raito died, or know what happened after the show/manga ended? And since Near never died in the show/manga, what age is he now?)_

Will: They all know everything, since we gave them spoilers. It won't matter, because once this is over, Tami'll just use her Forget-Me-Note on them. Near and the other still living members of the task force are the ages they are in the last chapter of the manga (not including the oneshot set three years later) so Near would be nineteen, since the manga ended after a short one year timeskip.

Tami: Hahah, look at how bulgy Light's stomach is. -poke-

Light: -whimpers-

Tami: Gross. Now onto Sonar!

_Matsuda  
You better hope that I don't end up throwing more paperweights.  
Whose uniform did you bleach?  
Are you a pedophile for Sayu?  
What do you and Ide bicker about?  
Most stupid saying you heard?  
Are the Jonas brothers fake to you?  
do you love Ide? (is trying hard not to laugh)_

Matsuda: Eep.

Mello: Hah. Loser.

Matsuda: It was my own uniform, and it was an accident. And no, how does liking Sayu make me a pedophile? She's an adult!

Sayu: You're still to old for me Matsu.

Matsuda: Damn. And a better question would be what don't we bicker about. Heh. Uh... most stupid saying... If you can't take care of your things, let them take care of themselves.

Mello: You got that off of Skunk Fu.

Matsuda: Uh... And you would know that /how/?

Mello: .... Matt watches it.

Matt: -playing games again-

Matsuda: The Jonas brothers...? -looks at Will-

Will: -shrug-

Matsuda: NO!! I don't love Ide. Look at him! He doesn't even have EYEBROWS!

Ide: Ouch.

L: That's hurtful.

Mello: Jerk.

_Ide  
That's a relief. I keep reviewing a bit too late in the morning. You are rather comfortable.  
Most annoying Matsuda rant?  
Do people sometimes notice that your bangs switch from side to side?  
Have you seen anyone die in front of you? (besides the Kira case)  
Which rule do you break the most?  
Do you think Matsuda is jealous of you at times?  
Ever had anything thrown at you?  
Ever have a moment where you say something stupid? If so, what happened?  
Did you ever trust Light?  
Did you wish that you were working with L during the time that you decided not to?  
(Matsuda: Why don't you..  
*whack* Sonar hits Matsuda with a paperweight)  
*clears her voice* I think he intentionally is trying to get my attention or something.  
I don't think most people can keep a balance in their life unless they knew how.  
I had a few pets in my past but put my dog to sleep in March of this year.  
Can't remember if I asked you this but have you ever hit Matsuda with any objects?  
What would be your worst nightmare?  
Have you ever been pranked?  
I always have questions for you everytime. (hugs Ide and cuddles up to him) I'll have more for you soon. (closes her eyes and Matsuda tries to prank her but she catches him only to send him crashing into a table in front of Ide)_

Ide: :3 Hm, Matsuda's most annoying rant is probably the 'you need a date' one. It's the most dated. And obviously someone noticed, since you brought it up. But really, all death note character's bangs seem to do that.

L: Yes, they do don't they.

Ide: Yes I have seen a few people die in front of me. And I don't break rules, except I occasionally speed if that counts.

Mello: Wow, you're a real wild guy.

Ide: Oh, he's definitely jealous. And I've had things thrown at me before, yes. As for the stupid moment. Uh... I'm sure that's happened but I can't think of anything. I trusted Light at first, but I trusted Aizawa more. When he had a problem with Light, I was more inclined to believe him. And no, I do not regret my decision to stay out of the Kira case in the beginning.

Matsuda: OW!!

Ide: He probably is. And I'm sorry about your dog. And I've never hit Matsuda. My worst nightmare... probably the one where I can't move and there's something in the room that I can't see that's going to kill me. And I've been pranked a few times.

Matsuda: OW!! AGAIN!!!

Soichiro: Shut up Matsuda.

Matsuda: Sorry chief...

_Aizawa  
Has Matsuda ever stole your car?  
Does Matsuda doodle on his reports?_

Aizawa: No he hasn't. But he has borrowed it. ... And crashed it.

Matsuda: ACCIDENT!! TOTALLY NOT MY FAULT!

Aizawa: And just about all of his reports has a daisy on it.

Takada  
Throw yourself in a meat grinder.

Tami: Since Socky can't do that at the moment, we've decided to do the next best thing and stick her hand in a blender.

-whirring and gurgled screaming in the background-

Tami: Heheh.

Will: Before anyone has a chance to be offended, up next is ComaWhite.X!

_I'm glad Light's being tortured, but damn did I want to get my point across.  
Well, since I am human (as is he) and being human and therefore evolving from a primitive state and still holding primal instincts and actions, I choose to slap him. Mu-hahaha! :slap:_

Light: -glares daggars at ComaWhite.X-

_Mello; Yes, yes, and it's finished noww! you're left all alone bleeding out of your anus :D  
And yes, an absolutely gorgeous girl, with such beautiful eyes!  
I loose blood because I have violent night terrors...really violent._

Mello: Why am I bleeding out my anus???? 0o

Near: -amused look-

Mello: -turns up water pressure again- And how violent can a night terror be to leave you bleeding??

_Will; I have a Dog too, but he doesn't pay much attention to me...  
Bleh, let's all have rainbow slinkies! :gives everyone rainbow slinkies because I am a very generous person!:_

Will: Heheh, all five of my dogs have been trying to eat me ever since I became a raccoon. Hence why I haven't left this room since...

Mello: Heheheh.

Will/Matt: Oh my god! RAINBOW SLINKIES!!!! :D

Misa: So shiny.

Tami: ... Yay.

Sidoh: It scares me.

Ryuk: Is it edible...?

Mogi: ....

_L: Actually, revising what i've just said...you would hate him. Never meet him, he will glomp you...and he smells :O_

L: 0.o Okay then.

_Matt; Oh mai, I got a new charcger, I'm coming for you, Nin! (I tend to name my belongings, my mattress is called Matt :D)_

Matt; Hahah. So you sleep on me every night? X3 And I name my belongings too. My cellphone is Donkey Kong and my DS is Matt Jr. Oh, and my car is Mello. I love riding in it. :3

Mello: -twitch-

Will: All these gay references are starting to freak me out.

_Takada; I'll do whatever I want, i'm better than you!_

Will: Everyone's better than her.

_Mikami; Your words hurt... And excuse me, i'm evil, the worst thing i've killed was a bug (or if you count consumer demand, a Bison) whereas you killed people daily with a goddamn catchphrase :|_

Mikami: I only kill horrible people.

Will: YOU KILLED A BUG??? That's... that's pure evil!!!

Tami: Get over it.

_Bleh, well i hope you all have a good time over there, and I hope that Will will gain the inspiration and steam to get the next chapter out within four months._

Good bye, all!

Will: Hey, I try. But I have a real life you know.

Tami: Honestly he doesn't. He just sits around playing on the computer and eating nachos.

Will: Mmm.... nachos....

Mello: Up next is xXxMeltedHersheyBarxXx.

Tami: That's my job!

_Curse you, Demegawa! Got away on me, did you?  
And a GIFT BASKET?! Don't award them!! XC  
Except for Mello... and Soichiro...*extremely long pause*  
Oh yeah! And I almost forgot: Matsuda's okay too. ^_^  
Yeah, but the rest of you can suffer. o_o  
Also, congrats L, on being about the only person not voted for! *Two thumbs up!!*  
... Let the torture begin. :D_

Demegawa: -cough- My fans would've protected me!

Will: Gift baskets were the only thing we had on such short notice...

Tami: Yeah.

Matsuda: I feel kind of unloved.

L: :3 thanks.

Matt: Hey, I wasn't voted for either!

Shinigami: Neither were we! (Though they couldn't be voted for...)

Will: Me neither.

Tami: Contrary to Hershey's final statement, the water torture is just about over. Unstrap them.

Matt: Yay! I can free Socky!

Mello: But Near's stomach hasn't popped yet!

Tami: Maybe it'll pop while you're beating the water out of him.

Mello: -sigh- Fine.

L: -already has Light out and is kicking him in the stomach-

Light: D: -puking-

Will: Gross. While they do that, please contemplate the meaning of this riddle: Why is a Raven like a Writing Desk?

-take your time-

....

................

.......................

Will: Not yet, they're still at it.

....................

....................................

Tami: L, you can stop kicking him now, he's threw it all up already.

L: Oh... -drops Light- Sorry about that Yagami-kun.

Will: Heh.

Near: I think the vinegar burned through my stomach... and esophagus.... -coughing up blood-

Mello: Don't be such a wuss.

Near: I'm bleeding internally. I have a right to complain.

Mello: Heh.

Takada: -unconscious-

Matt: Should we take her to a pokemon center or a hospital...?

Will: Before one of their fans tries to kill me... I'm just going to end the chapter.

Tami: See you next time folks!

Near: Actually I think I'll be dead before the next chapter...

Light: -has already died from all the electricity and the beatings.

Takada: X.x

tbc


End file.
